


The Water Was Cold

by february_02



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-25
Updated: 2012-06-25
Packaged: 2017-11-08 13:36:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/february_02/pseuds/february_02
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the first day of his senior year, Castiel Novak meets Sam and Dean Winchester, the brothers everyone is talking about. One friend-request, a dozen cherries and a trip to the beach later; everyone’s talking about Cas too. But hospital nurses don’t make the best mothers, and sometimes our fathers are what push us apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Water Was Cold

Mr Singer had his English classroom tucked away in the back corner of the south building, which, in a high school as big as L.K. was as good as being non-existent. Many students saw this class as a free period – they didn’t turn up except for the exam he scheduled at the end of each term. Castiel Novak, or Cas as everyone called him, had had Mr Singer every single year from freshman to Junior, and he had gone to every single class, bar one in sophomore year when he had to go to a chiropractor about some weird back pain he was having.

 

Mr Singer was about fifty, with a greying beard and patchy hair. He had a bit of a beer gut and wore jeans every day, except on parent-teacher nights, but Cas only knew that because Jo had told him. He was pretty sure the last time he or his parents had been to a parent teacher night was way back in elementary school. He went to Mr Singer’s classes purely on the principle of things; he didn’t like or dislike Mr Singer or the other students who bothered to turn up, but he thought there must be some use in going, if the school had Mr Singer on its payroll. He said some interesting things every now and again, and he was always offering Cas good books to read.

 

Cas looked to the board, where Mr Singer had written his annual quote for the students to ponder.

_“_ _To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive…”_

Cas was glad he’d chosen something that seemed to somewhat inspirational; as opposed to the year he used a Dr Seuss quote. Cas looked around the class to see the reaction of his peers- all of whom looked disinterested.

 

There were ten regulars to Mr Singer’s period-six English class. Cas counted himself as one of them, and then nine other students who turned up four days out of five and handed in the homework when they were there. When Cas walked in on the first day of Senior year, he noticed that two regulars were absent - Ash; a stoner since about the start of middle school, and Meg. Each year as Cas went through high school, the class got smaller. Mr Singer didn’t seem upset - he was still flipping through a Shakespeare anthology like the last time Cas saw him, when he’d received an A on his critique of Animal Farm. The next thing Cas noticed was a boy he didn’t know, sitting in _his_ seat.

 

Cas had sat in the same seat for every one of Mr Singer’s classes. It was in the second last row from the back, directly in the middle. Over the years, he’d learnt many things about that spot; in winter it felt like the sun shone directly on the chair and in summer, he could crack open a window and feel a breeze that on days when the temperature was in the high nineties, felt like God’s breath on earth.

 

He deliberated for a moment, looking again. He definitely didn’t know the boy, so he was hesitant to be rude and demand his chair back. Then he thought about the breeze and the sunshine and how this was _his_ chair, he’d been there first after all. He was still deliberating on the pros and cons of introducing yourself to the new boy by asking him to move seats, when Mr Singer interrupted his thoughts.

 

“Castiel, you going to sit down or are you waiting for an engraved invitation?”

 

Cas knew he was one of Mr Singer’s favourite by that fact alone- Mr Singer had tried to remember his name, even if it was his full name, one that was barely used. Everyone else was just ‘you there’ or ‘that boy/girl’.

 

Cas settled for a seat on the boy’s left side, and turned to the front, getting his notebook out and resolving to get to class earlier tomorrow, because this seat was nowhere near as good as _his_ seat, as whiny as that sounded.

 

“Class, we’ve got a great syllabus this term, but first of all, I’d like to introduce you to a new student in our class, Mr- what did you say your name was?” Mr Singer frowned at the new boy.

 

“Winchester. Dean Winchester.” The boy smirked at the class.

 

“Great. Ugh- Castiel? I’ll just go get the class set of your books from my office, can you explain to Dean what we finished off with last year, so he’s not feeling too lost?” Mr Singer turned tail, headed toward the English department.

 

So this must be the Dean Winchester everyone was talking about. Cas had overheard what felt like six billion hushed conversations from girls who had gathered to murmur about how dark and mysterious he seemed. Even Anna, arguably the most sensible Novak, almost swooned when she talked about him. Cas surveyed Dean from the corner of his eye, and ok- he didn’t make a habit of staring at people he didn’t know, but this had to be excused because Dean was _beautiful._ Blonde hair that was mussed and eyelashes the same colour- the colour of sand on an overcast day at the beach, just a few shades off gold. His lips were plump and pink, and his freckles were adorable, smattered across his cheeks and nose. He looked comfortable on the hard plastic chair he was sitting on, and his legs stretched out clad in jeans that were worn over the knees and looked soft over the thighs. He realised he was staring at Dean Winchester’s crotch without meaning to and snapped his eyes back to Dean’s face, green eyes glinting with a smirk on his lips. Cas felt he should say something- anything to apologise for checking out his crotch.

 

“I’m- my name It’s Castiel- but you can call me Cas. Uh- last year we studied a bit of Shakespeare and Love in the Time of Cholera, a lot of the time we’re kind of all over the syllabus but uh-” Cas was gushing, he knew it; it was almost welcome when Dean cut him off.

 

“Listen, Casey-” Dean started.

 

“It’s Cas.” Cas couldn’t help correcting.

 

“Yeah, right. I think I’ll be ok.” Dean said, nodding.

 

“Oh. Well- I’m here if you- you know.” Cas did a little wave that he regretted immediately.

 

“Right. I’ll keep that in mind.” Dean turned to the front, so Cas did as well. His stomach felt upset and he wished he hadn’t sounded like such an idiot. He frowned. Throughout class Cas keep his eyes to the front, trying to ignore Dean talking to the head cheerleader, Lisa.

 

 

After class, Dean all but ran out, and really, Cas considered that a touch rude - learning about the composition of haikus wasn’t the most interesting thing ever, but Cas didn’t think it warranted fleeing the class. He took a little more time packing up his things, and wandered out to where Jo had promised to give him a lift home.

 

He reached the car park, searching out Jo’s Buick when he spotted Dean leaning against a very shiny black car. What’s more, Dean was looking straight at him, a grin wide on his face. Dean started to wave enthusiastically, and Cas tentatively raised his hand to wave back (he didn’t really think they’d hit it off in English, but ok, maybe he’d misinterpreted Dean) and then a voice from behind was saying ‘Uh- excuse me?’

 

A brown-haired boy stood there, coming up to about Cas’ shoulder with a backpack twice as fat as himself on his back. He was holding another subject’s worth of books in his arms.

 

“Oh sorry, I…” Cas started to say, and as the boy turned to look up at him, Dean came running over.

 

“Here, Sammy, lemme take your backpack” Dean said, motioning for the bag.

 

“I’m fine Dean, I can carry it,” Sam swung out of the way of Dean. But Cas could see bags under the boy’s eyes, heavier than his mammoth backpack and the way he looked just a bit too thin and pale.

 

“See you Carey,” Dean said and shuffled his brother away, surreptitiously trying to take his backpack, murmuring “Why’d you bring so many books home anyway?”

 

Cas must have stood there awhile because Jo, who’s afternoon calculus class always ran overtime (apparently people in that class actually _liked_ math, go figure) was at his shoulder, with an almost gleeful expression on her face.

 

“Pining after the new boy?” Jo asked with a smirk.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Cas said and started walking to the car.

 

 

Family dinners at the Novak household were a crazy affair to witness. At least three different conversations were going on at once, sometimes in other languages and meals from all over the world. ‘Meat and three veg’ was not common at Cas’ house.

 

Michael and Lucifer were at the head of the table, food forgotten in place of what seemed to be a riveting discussion on real world simulation (who knows how they got into that one). Uriel and Raphael were arguing loudly in what sounded to be Egyptian, (although Cas hadn’t brushed up on his Egyptian since he spent the summer between 7th and 8th grade trying to become fluent, semi-successfully) and Azazel was under the table, nudging people’s knees just in case they had something they didn’t want to eat. Cas reached under the table to pat Azazel, and then turned his attention to Anna, who was pushing her Bouillabaisse around her plate.

 

“How are things, Anna?” Cas asked.

 

“Oh - Adam and Eve are fighting again; it’s something really stupid this time.” Anna said with a sigh.

 

“What?” Adam and Eve were two of Anna’s closest friends, who’d been dating since what felt like the beginning of time.

 

“They’re trying to decide what to wear to the Halloween party Lisa is having.” Anna said, sighing.

 

“Isn’t that in two months?” Cas asked.

 

“Yeah, so? It doesn’t hurt to plan ahead. Adam suggested fig leaves like a really environmental theme, but Eve doesn’t want to do that, she’d rather they went as apples because she thinks she looks really good in red.” Anna said, rolling her eyes.

 

“How do you know this anyway?” Cas asked.

 

“I’m part of the group message on Facebook they’re discussing it in. Also, Jo told me to tell you she made a Facebook group for the GSA.” Anna looked at her phone beside her plate.

 

“Why didn’t she tell me earlier, in the car?” Cas asked, frowning.

 

“She just told me then. She’s part of the message too. Do you want to know what she’s going as?” Anna’s eyes light up.

 

“No I’ll- I’ll go check Facebook now. Thanks Anna.” Cas put his plate in the sink, felt a wave of gratitude that he wasn’t cleaning up after his family tonight, and headed upstairs to his room. He booted up his laptop, and in the blue start up screen, Cas studied his reflection. Had his hair really looked like that all day? He’d have to do something better with it tomorrow.

 

The computer had loaded, and he clicked through to Facebook, simultaneously opening a word document so he could pretend to himself that he was going to do some work. He had some Latin translation exercises due later in the week, but he figured he’d do those later.

 

Awaiting him was the notification that Jo had added him to GSA group and that she’d written on the wall. He checked that (their first meeting was tomorrow at lunch) and then he saw he had a friend request. It was from Sam Winchester.

 

Cas clicked through to his profile, and his picture showed him and Dean, laughing. Looking closer, Cas saw that Sam was in a hospital bed, with what looked like an IV drip connected to his forearm.

 

Cas scrolled down, still reeling from the photo to see that Dean Winchester was listed as his brother. Cas, in full stalker mode now, wasted no time clicked through to Dean’s profile.

 

The first thing Cas noticed was the number of friends Dean had, and how they were all predominantly female. He scrolled Dean’s wall to see several dozen posts asking about Sam- which struck Cas as odd until one of them was posted by a girl in hospital scrubs, so maybe they were nurses- it made more sense now. He clicked back to Sam’s profile, but hesitated at the confirm-friend button. After all, he barely knew the kid. He had a look at their mutual friends, and for someone who had just moved into town, he’d certainly wasted no time making friends. Jessica Moore, who Cas remembered because she and Anna used to be really good friends when they were little and Jo was on there, along with Ellen, Jo’s mom, which Cas thought was pretty weird, who friends someone’s mom? Then again, Sam and Cas had spoken two words to each other and Sam had also friended him.

 

He clicked confirm. If Sam passed Ellen’s radar, he certainly passed Cas’.

 

 

By lunch the next day, Cas had mostly forgotten about Sam with the IV drip in his arm. When Cas caught a glimpse of him between 1st and 2nd period, he was laughing at a joke Ava was telling him, so Cas was a little less freaked out.

 

He was standing in the lunch line, and he knew he had to hurry up because the GSA meeting was starting in five minutes, and he had yet to get the Tuesday burger special he’d been looking forward to all summer. He looked to see what was holding the line up. Two trays in front of him was Dean and Lisa.

 

Cas didn’t hate Lisa- she was popular, smart, head cheerleader and for a long time he thought he was in love with her. However, his crush only came into effect when she was dating her on and off boyfriend Brock Ashton, the school’s quarterback, which made him think that maybe he had a thing for footballers, instead of cheerleaders.

 

Dean looked mildly interested in what she was saying, the content of which Cas was unsure of but apparently involved a lot of giggling and arm tapping.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sam powerwalk over to where Dean was, tap him on the shoulder and say something to him, and then Dean was waving goodbye to Lisa, walking off with Sam, who, when spotting Cas gave a big wave and said “See you at the meeting, Cas!” Cas stared after them.

 

“Castiel, sweetie?” Esther, the lunch lady was waiting to take his order.

 

He got his burger and rushed to the meeting, which by his watch started two minutes go. He tried to sneak in, but Jo, whom Cas swears was a bloodhound in another life, stopped him at the door.

 

“And here is our secretary, Castiel Novak, late as usual. I swear I should do the minutes for this group myself. Go and sit down Cas, Sam saved you a seat.” said Jo, pointing to Sam who was waving from the back of the room, so Cas went and sat down next to him.

 

“It’s so cool that you’re here, Cas! When Jo told us you were part of the GSA, Dean said he wanted to come, so here we are!” Sam said with a grin.

 

And Cas looked to Sam’s right, where Dean was sitting. He gave Cas a wave, with his eyebrows raised as if to say _‘fancy seeing you here’_

 

“To start our meeting off, let’s all go round the room, introduce ourselves, say what grade we’re in and why we’re here. Anything else that seems pertinent, such as sexuality, feel free to add.” When everyone just responded as if it was no big deal, Cas realised yet again why Jo had been voted in for president since her sophomore year. She just had this way of making everyone feel comfortable.

 

There was a pretty even mix of gay and straight kids in the room, with a few transsexual and bisexual every so often, and everyone just listened, as if they were talking about their hobbies or their favourite sports. Before Cas knew it, it was his turn, one of the last in the group.

 

“Uh- hi there, I’m Castiel Novak. I’m a senior this year, and as Jo said, I’m the secretary of the GSA. That’s my cousin Balthazar up there, in the V-neck.” Balthazar waved, having already charmed the group earlier. “I’m gay, but I’ve uh- never dated anyone. So yeah.” And everyone politely applauded, and the group moved onto Sam.

 

“Hi guys, I’m Sam Winchester, and I’m a freshman here at L.K. I’m straight, and I’ve got a crush on a girl in my Spanish class- uh- is that an over share?”

 

“No way! Is she pretty?” Balthazar said from his place next to Jo at the front.

 

“Uh yeah- she’s really pretty, and super smart.” Sam said with a smile and a slight blush.

 

“Balthazar, if that V-neck was any lower you’d have cleavage. Leave the poor boy alone.” Jo said with a laugh. “Dean, you’re up next.”

 

“Hey, I’m Dean Winchester, so if you haven’t already guessed, this little muffin head is my younger brother.” He said, affectionately tousling Sam’s hair. “I’m a senior here, and uh- I’m gay.” A pout formed on most of the girls’ faces. “Sorry ladies.” He said with a wink. “And like Cas here, I too have never dated anyone. Well, never dated a guy. The whole gay thing is kind of new to me.” Dean said with a new smile.

 

“Well then, maybe Cas can give you some pointers?” Jo said, with a sly wink in Cas’ direction. Cas just made an odd gurgling sound that he hoped no one else heard. He didn’t know what to think. Dean, _gay?_ Cas wondered how Lisa would take the knowledge.

 

The rest of the meeting was uneventful, planning bake sales and marches and rallies, and so before Cas knew it, it was the end of the meeting and everyone was packing up.

 

“Hey Cas?” Jo was at the desk where he was sitting.

 

“Yeah, Jo?” Cas crumpled up his burger wrapper.

 

“We’re having a little town warming at my house for Sam and Dean after school, do you want to come?” Jo said.

 

“Oh well- sure. Yeah, that’d be fun. Can I catch a ride with you?” Cas asked.

 

“Just straight after school come to the car. I have to set stuff up, which you can help with, if you’d like.” Jo said.

 

“Sure. See you then. Oh, and Jo?” Jo paused at the door.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You’re a great president. And have we got Spanish now?”

 

“Sure do. I’ll even walk with you if you’re quick.” Cas smiled and followed her out the door.

 

Every second in Cas’ period-5 Spanish class dragged on and on until finally, the bell rang and he could go to Mr Singer’s class. He kept catching Jo looking at him as he fidgeted his way through three sets of reflexive verbs and a quiz. He was nervous, to say the least. First Sam with the IV drip in his arm, then Dean being gay? For two people he barely knew, they sure were making an impact on his life.

 

He arrived, and saw that Dean wasn’t there, and Cas’ seat was blissfully empty. He sank down, arranging his books on the desk and turned to the board, where Mr Singer had written ‘COMPOSITION OF HAIKUS’. Dean arrived a few minutes later, sliding into the seat on Cas’ right, and said ‘Damn it.’

 

‘What?’ Cas turned to look at Dean’s scowl.

 

‘I forgot my notebook. Can I borrow a page out of yours?’

 

‘Sure.’ Cas ripped one out and passed it to Dean. Mr Singer started the class, setting them all the task of writing a haiku by themselves.

 

‘So… haikus?’ Dean said, tapping his pencil on the desk.

 

“Yeah. Have you written one before?” Cas asked, licking his lips. When had they gotten so dry? He’d have to get some lip balm.

 

“Sammy was obsessed with them once. I got him a book on poetry he wanted for his birthday one year. That’s how he talked. Pissed my dad off. He had this one- he used to repeat it all the time, mostly after- well, mostly after anything. Oh, how’d it go?

 

_Sitting in a bed,_

_Time passes by without me,_

_I’m stuck, so damn slow_

 

“That’s- that’s really good. But uh- It’s not how I picture him at all though.” Cas said with a shake of his head. Cas was confused, to say the least. He’d known Dean less than 24 hours and here he was speaking in a way that felt like he was baring his soul.

 

“What do you mean?” Dean asked.

 

“Just- seems like a pretty happy kid to me.” Cas trailed off.

 

“Doesn’t let it show. Loves to play ball and everything. He’s a genius, I swear, if he could only go to school a little more- well, we all have our crosses to bear. Alright, I want to hear one from you.” Dean said with a grin.

 

“Me?” Cas exclaimed.

 

“Yeah, Mr Singer’s favourite. Go on.” Dean motioned with his hands.

 

“Uh… putting me on the spot here. Um…” Cas thought for a few minutes. “Oh, ok ah-

 

_Dean moves to L.K,_

_GSA gains two members,_

_Green eyes, gold amulet_

 

Cas said, almost a question at the end. Dean pondered that for a moment.

 

“Speaking of poetry, I hope we get to do six word stories this year. My sister Anna was obsessed with them once.” Cas said, remembering when Anna had said in front of their religious Aunt Madison, freaking her out:

 

 

_‘Fallen angel, sinned once, damned twice’_

 

 

“Six word stories?” Dean asked eyebrow raised.

 

“Yeah. Like Hemingway’s:

 

_For sale: baby shoes, never worn._

 

Cas said as an example.

 

“That’s cheerful.” Dean replied with a chuckle.

 

“Just think about the power; six words to tell a story.” Cas said.

 

“That’s- I’ve got one. Do you want to hear it?” Dean asked, tapping his pencil again.

 

“You seriously just came up with one then?” Cas said, shock evident in his voice.

 

“I’m hurt and offended by your obvious surprise.” Dean said with a laugh.

 

‘No no, I didn’t mean- go ahead.’ Cas said with nervous laughter.

 

_‘Waiting room, wait in room, wait.’_

 

Dean looked triumphant and a little scared at the same time.

 

“Uh- Sam sent me a friend request last night over Facebook. And I accepted.” Cas said.

 

“Yeah, he told me. That’s why- don’t you get it?” Dean said, almost frantically.

 

“It’s been a lot for me to take in in the space of 24 hours.” Cas said.

 

“What do you mean?” Dean asked.

 

“Well, with Sam, and the IV drip, and you being gay-” Cas started but Dean jumped in.

 

“What about me being gay?” Dean asked.

 

“You just don’t seem- I just thought Lisa was more your type.” Cas said resignedly.

 

“Lisa? Nah. Just asking her about the math homework. She’s nice and all, but…” Dean trailed off.

 

“But?” Cas raised his eyebrows.

 

“Let’s just say I prefer you to her.” Dean said with a smile.

 

“Ah.” Cas paused. He chewed his lip.

 

“Are you coming to this house warming thing after school?” Dean asked.

 

“Yeah, are you excited?” Cas said.

 

“Sammy’s real excited, especially since it looks like we’ll be staying here awhile.” Dean said.

 

“Do you move around a lot?” Cas asked.

 

“Yeah. Sam’s treatment and stuff. Specialist to specialist.” Dean said.

 

“What’s uh- I just thought it was appendicitis or something.” Cas trailed off.

 

“Appendicitis or cancer or something. You know, just the usual.”

 

“Oh wow. I’m uh- so sorry.” Cas felt like a massive idiot.

 

“It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault, really.” Dean said. He sighed, looking down at his page.

 

*BEEP BEEP*

 

“That’s uh- *BEEP BEEP* it’s mine I’d better *BEEP BEEP*” Cas said as his phone vibrated. He checked caller ID, seeing God. Once, Gabriel had changed all his phone contacts to completely different things, like Anna to Ginny Weasley and stuff like that. Cas had never gotten around to changing this one back.

 

“Good afternoon, father.” Dean gave him a questioning look.

 

“I’m in school. In an English class. Yes, I- No, well you see- Yes, of course. I’ll be there straight after school. Goodbye, father.” Cas said and hung up. He swallowed and breathed out.

 

“Your dad?” Dean said, eyebrow raised.

 

“Yeah- he’s uh- back in town. Wants to see us all after school.” Cas felt his stomach sink.

 

“Did I see his contact as God?” Dean queried.

 

“Yeah- my brother, Gabriel, changed it over, and I never got round to changing it back. I’m sorry, seems like I can’t go to your house warming. My dad- I don’t see him that much so-” Cas ran his hands through his hair.

 

“Hey, no need to explain. My dad’s the same way. Is yours a drinker or an addict?” Dean looked borderline sympathetic.

 

“Excuse me?” Cas tried to make sure he’d heard Dean right.

 

“Or is it gambling?” Dean suggested.

 

“He’s a business man. He’s away on business.” Cas shot Dean a careful look.

 

“Oh yeah. Of course. Sorry.” Dean looked down at his page again. They didn’t speak for the rest of class, but Cas didn’t get anything done anyway. This time, it was him who was rushing for the door at the end of class, and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Anna waiting for him.

 

“Uriel’s picking us up. C’mon.” She said, motioning towards the car park.

 

They drove home at what felt like sixty miles over the speed limit, his heart racing the whole time. As they got out of the car, Cas futilely tried to straighten the crumples in his shirt.

 

They made their way into their house, a sense of anticipation in the air. Father rarely made visits without prior arrangements unless it was something serious. In Father’s study was the rest of the family and Cas placed himself behind Balthazar and Uriel.

 

“How is everybody?” He asked, and was met with a chorus of ‘Good,’ all around. Cas met Anna’s eyes, and gave her a nod of reassurance. Everything seemed to be going fine so far.

 

“My company has some big business deals to make this week, some that could change our company very drastically. Because our head offices are here, I’ll be here for the week, going to a lot of meetings. I know that since I’ve been away, you’ve lived life differently, but I don’t want my presence to make too much of an impact on you. Also; the company ball is coming up- two months and two days. This year we’ll be raising money for AIDS research and treatment, a very worthy cause in my opinion. Now that you’re all a little older, I’d like it if you’d bring a date. Formal attire, as usual please. Now, I’m sure that Cas and Anna have homework, so I’ll let you all go, but it’s good to be home!” Cas’ father said and shooed them out of the office.

 

 

 

“So your father’s home?” Jo said when Cas sat down at lunch the next day.

 

“Anna?” Cas asked.

 

“Yeah, in homeroom. When was the last time he actually stayed at your house?” Jo asked.

 

“Probably not this year. It’s weird, really weird. I woke up this morning and he was cooking breakfast for us all. I don’t know how he even has time, he’s supposed to be all backed up with meetings with CEOs and VIPs and the royalty from small countries.” Cas said, digging in to his lasagne that had been last night’s dinner, made by his father.

 

“Hey guys. Can I sit here?” Dean said, sliding into a seat next to Cas.

 

“Dean, nice to see you. Sure, go ahead.” Jo said with a smile.

 

“You do the English homework, Cas?” Dean asked. He dug into the Sloppy Joes that were today’s special. Cas was stuck for an answer while watching Dean’s tongue lick his top lip to get the last bit of sauce off.

 

“Yeah- of course. My dad actually asked me how it was going. He wanted to help, for about ten minutes except he doesn’t get poetry.” Cas said with a laugh.

 

“Sounds like your dad and my dad should get together for a beer sometime. I don’t think my dad’s been able to help with my homework for about seven years.” Dean said smiling.

 

“Speaking of your fathers- I’m trying to start a PFLAG up in conjunction with the P&C, are either of your fathers interested?” Jo asked.

 

“Don’t think mine will be in town long enough to be worth anything, Jo. He might give a donation. I’ll ask him about it tonight.” Cas said.

 

“My dad’s kind of… got his hands full. Just started a new job and with Sam, I don’t think he has time either. Sorry.” Dean said, and changed the topic.

 

Dean was in Cas’ seat when he walked in English that afternoon, notebook open and pen poised.

 

“Hey Cas- What’s happening?” Dean asked.

 

“Nothing.” Cas slid into the seat next to Dean, on his right side. This one wasn’t much better. He stared enviously at the chair Dean was sitting on.

 

They started the class with acrostic poems, partnering up to create one for the other’s name.

 

Cas and Dean worked in silence for a few minutes, then Dean said ‘Finished.”

 

“Hang on.” Cas said. “Your name has one more letter than mine!”

 

“Hurry up!” Dean said with a smile.

 

Cas worked for a few minutes more, trying to tune out Dean’s impatient noises then he announced he too was finished.

 

“You first, Speedy Gonzalez.” Cas said.

 

“Compassionate, Aspiring and Safe.” Dean said, passing over the paper he wrote on.

 

Cas thanked him with a smile. “Demanding-”

 

“Hey now,” Dean said, arms thrown up in protest.

 

“I added that after you bullied me for taking too long.” Cas said.

 

“Is the rest nice or horrible?” Dean asked.

 

“We’ll see. Eager,” Dean met this with a chuckle.

 

“I had aspiring down on mine too. What a coincidence.” Cas said.

 

“Aspiring? _Me?_ ” Dean said, shocked.

 

“In some lights.” Cas said, and left it. “Uh- finally, N for nest.”

 

“ _Nest?_ This is the worst acrostic poem ever. _Nest!”_ Dean said.

 

“You’ll work it out.” Cas said with a smile. Some things were better kept hidden.

 

Mr Singer called the class back to order, and taught them about limericks. He then set them the task of writing a limerick, focusing on someone they were close to.

 

Cas racked his brain, searching through all the people he knew. He supposed he could write it about Jo, or Anna, but he didn’t think it would be any good. Then he looked over at Dean, to see how he was faring.

 

_Dean._ Pen caught between his teeth, what looked like two different limericks already written down on his page.

 

“Hey Cas? What rhymes with purple?” Dean asked, turning to him.

 

“You really put _purple_ in your limerick?” Cas asked, a little incredulously.

 

“Yeah, so?” Dean said.

 

“Nothing! Oh, I don’t know- nurple?” Cas said.

 

“That’s not even a word!” Dean said, laughing.

 

“Hey, you’re the one who asked! I’m just trying to help you out!” Cas said, a big grin on his face.

 

“Alright, boys?” Mr Singer asked.

 

“Yes, sir. I just need some help with my poem, and Cas is refusing.” Dean said, pouting.

 

“Who now?” Mr Singer said, frowning.

 

“Cas?” Dean said, pointing a finger at Cas.

 

“That’s what he’s started calling me, sir. He was teasing me about my name, that’s why I refused to help him with his poem. It’s beyond help anyway, he’s trying to rhyme something with purple.” Cas said.

 

“Dean, don’t be mean to Castiel. Idjit. Now, I’m sure there’s something that rhymes with purple. Read an article about it once.” Mr Singer disappeared off to the front of the classroom.

 

“What were you saying that used purple?” Cas asked.

 

“Never you mind. You’ll see.” Dean said.

 

“I want to know now!” Cas said.

 

“It’s about you.” Dean said.

 

“Oh. I retract my enthusiasm.” Cas said, slightly off kilter that Dean had written part of a limerick about him.

 

“No, you wanted to know! Mr Singer, may I read my limerick aloud to the class?” Dean said, sitting up straight, looking like a model student.

 

“Is that the bell? I really must dash!” Cas said, leaping out of his seat, and making a break for the door. He wasn’t sure why Dean had written a limerick (or part thereof) about him, or why it included purple, but he really wasn’t keen to find out. Something about Dean was so… _mysterious._

 

Cas was in his room that afternoon after school, just getting started with his trigonometry homework when the doorbell rang. His father called “I’ll get it!” and Cas went back to his graphics calculator till a knock came at the door.

 

“Castiel- a friend is here to see you.” A little quieter, he heard his father ask the person for their name, and Cas heard Dean’s voice on the other side of the door. He almost leapt to the door, jerking it open.

 

“Dean- what are you doing here?” Cas asked, trying to act nonchalant.

 

“You left your notebook in English. I was just returning it.” Dean said, holding up the notebook. “Cas is amazing at English,” Dean said to Cas’ father.

 

“That’s wonderful to hear! I’ll leave you boys alone, shall I? Dinner is at six, Castiel.” Cas’ father said, and disappeared down the hall.

 

“Uh- Mr Singer caught me after school, gave me your notebook and said he actually hadn’t found a word that rhymed with purple.” Dean said.

 

“I knew there wasn’t one.” Cas said.

 

“He thought it was some Scottish word about hobbling or cobbling or… well, I kind of tuned out after a while.” Dean said with a sheepish smile.

 

“Mr Singer will do that to you, sometimes.” Cas said, familiar with Mr Singer’s long rants about literature.

 

“So this is your room, huh?” Dean said, leaning in and looking around.

 

“Yeah- would you like to come in?” Cas said, and stepped back, unblocking the door.

 

Dean walked in, mouth slightly ajar. Cas was immediately conscious of the clothes on the floor in a pile and his superman curtains.

 

“Sorry about the mess, I haven’t tidied in ages, and wasn’t really expecting guests.” Cas said, feeling nervous. Dean’s eyes didn’t leave the dinosaur poster he was scrutinising.

 

“Huh? Oh, no it’s fine. This is- my room doesn’t look like this.” Dean said.

 

“Ok, so I haven’t changed my curtains and the posters are dorky, but really, knowing about the solar system is important and-” Cas babbled.

 

“I love it. I love it all.” Dean said, his face breaking into a big smile.

 

“You- you do?” Cas said, taken aback.

 

“Yeah! I mean, moving around so much I’ve never really had a proper room, and like the posters and the curtains and- superman is definitely my favourite superhero.” Dean said.

 

“Mine too! But I can’t stand the movies. Comic books all the way.” Cas said.

 

“You don’t say. The last time we settled in a place for a while, I went to a local garage sale and the guy there was practically _giving_ away this box of old editions. Like, thirty-year-old editions. It was so great! I could totally bring them around some time if you’d like to see them.” Dean said.

 

“That’s awesome! I’d really like that.” Cas said. He sat down on his bed. “Would you like to sit?” Cas patted the bed, then realised how creepy that was. “Just like- I’m not inviting you to sleep with me I’m just. Sit, please.” Cas said, faintly blushing.

 

“It’s too bad that’s not what you meant. I mean I totally would have.” Dean said. Cas looked up sharply. “I’m kidding! I’ve only known you for three days!” Dean said laughing, but Cas felt like Dean’s eyes were lingering on his lips. Cas shifted a little closer, and Dean did the same. Cas looked into Dean’s eyes, watching him move forward just a little-

 

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING

 

“That’s my phone, hold on for a sec.” Dean said, turning slightly away from Cas. “Hello? Yes. Oh. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Dean hung up. “That was the hospital. Sam’s a bit sick. I have to go.” Dean looked slightly off.

 

“Do you want me to come?” Cas asked.

 

“Nah, he’ll be fine. Sammy wouldn’t want a fuss. I’ll see you at school tomorrow though?” Dean said, and disappeared out the door. He heard his father call goodbye, and Dean return it, and then there was nothing for Cas to do but go back to his homework.

 

 

 

Sam wasn’t back at school the next day, and neither was Dean. They were absent for two days and then it was the weekend, which was always nice after the first week of school.

 

Sam had in and out absences all term, some just a period or two, others for days at a time. Cas had begun to notice the signs around Dean, when Sam was sick and when he was well.

 

Dean kept coming to GSA meetings, an observer predominantly, which suited Cas just fine. They’d sit up the back and they’d watch and listen and they grew closer and closer.

 

 

It was October, and the wind was just starting to get a chill to it. Sam and Dean had been at L.K for a month but Cas felt like they’d always been there, as weird as that sounds.

 

It was a weekend; one of their last before things started getting serious and exams took over in preparation for mocks right before Christmas. Sam was sleeping the night through, and his last hospital visit had just been a routine check up so Dean was a lot happier these days. They’d decided to go out for the day, just the three of them. Cas was meeting them at their house at eight, ready for an early start. Sam had mentioned finding a place he wanted to go to, so that’s where they were heading, a beach on the outskirts of the next county. The day was a little overcast, which from Cas’ experience just made a day at the beach so much more enjoyable.

 

It seemed silly that they’d known each other for two months and Cas hadn’t been to the Winchester’s house, but here he was, about to knock on their door for the first time.

 

Dean pulled open the door just before Castiel’s hand touched the wood, and ushered him inside.

 

“Sorry if I’m too early, but-” Cas began to say but Dean cut him off with a finger to his lips.

 

“Dad’s still sleeping. We’ll be out of here in ten minutes, promise. Did you bring the food?” Dean asked.

 

Cas held up the bag. “Sandwiches and pie and oh, almost forgot. Anna told me to bring cherries, wouldn’t say why.”

 

“I love cherries!” Dean said with a smile. They collected Sam from where he was just finishing up in the bathroom.

 

“C’mon Sammy. No girls to impress out at whatever beach you’re taking us.” Dean said and ruffled his hair. Sam gave him an unimpressed look.

 

“Daylight’s-” Dean began again.

 

“-Wasting, yeah I know Dean. C’mon. It’s about twenty minutes in the car.” They walked out to the car, and Cas went to the back, sliding into the middle seat. Sam flipped the map book open, and from where Cas was sitting, he could see it was covered in red crosses.

 

“What’re those for?” Cas asked.

 

“Places we’ve been.” Dean said, and it seemed that was that. Sam was right; it was only about twenty minutes to get to Manteocre Beach, as the sign said, where they pulled up. The three of them got out, and surveyed the area.

 

“Wow, Sam this is-” Dean began but finished with a whistle of appreciation.

 

“It’s better than the pictures, I’ll say that. We were doing the geography of local area, and I spotted this, did a little research and found out it was open to the public.” Sam said smiling.

 

“Thank you, Sam. This is wonderful.” Cas said, and breathed out in admiration. The sand was a rich gold colour, only slightly dulled by the overcast day and the ocean was a deep grey, foam white as snow.

 

“In the water, hey?” Dean said and began to strip off. Cas felt his mouth go dry. He’d better drink a lot of water, the air felt prime for dehydration.

 

“I don’t have- I didn’t bring swim trunks, Dean.” Cas said, mildly embarrassed.

 

“You’ve got boxers, haven’t you?” Dean said, shedding his clothes till he was just in his underwear.

 

“C’mon Cas! Last one in’s a rotten tomato!” Sam said, also stripping out of his clothes.

 

Sam began to run down the beach at a reasonable pace, and after seeing Dean in gym class; Cas knew he’d easily beat that. But he didn’t. The whole stretch down to the water, Dean was a good four or five strides behind Sam, who broke the water first. Cas guessed it was just because he was from a competitive family where they didn’t let each other win- but this seemed odd. Cas didn’t know what to make of it. He even expected Sam would turn and berate Dean for going easy on him; surely he had to know. But he didn’t. They were happily splashing when Cas caught up to them.

 

“What took you so long, slowpoke?” Sam said, and good-naturedly splashed water at him.

 

“Just uh- thinking about stuff, I guess.” Cas smiled and brushed it off. Talk turned to the football game the night before, and Sam mentioned wanting to try out for the team. Dean encouraged him whole-heartedly, even saying he was better than most of the players on the team at the moment. Cas cheered him on when Dean looked at him, but he was still unsure. Their relationship was so different to that of his and his siblings- he was still trying to figure it out.

 

They got out after a while when their stomachs rumbled too loudly to go unnoticed, and set up a few meters up from high tide, where thick green grass grew in place of sand. Sam wolfed down the chicken and relish sandwich Anna had made for him specially (Cas left sandwich making to Anna- the family knew about her prowess with sandwiches) and Dean tucked into his BLT. They ate the pie with just forks, no serving onto plates needed, and Dean and Cas had an awkward moment when they both speared the same blueberry. Dean let Cas have it, saying “Ladies first” and Cas felt his cheeks grow hot. Despite the overcast day, he must have gotten burnt after all.

 

They took their time with the cherries, each riper than the one before and slowly, the pile of pips grew. Sam picked his clean, no speck of cherry left on them. Cas was a little less thorough, and Dean was almost wasteful with his, chunks of cherry flesh here and there. It got to the point where there was five cherries left when Sam said, “you two finish these off. I’m going for one last dip.”

 

“Stay where I can see you.” Dean said as Sam shrugged off his over shirt and made his way to the shoreline.

 

“How’s Sam liking L.K?” Cas asked Dean, reaching for a cherry.

 

“Well enough.” Dean popped a cherry in his mouth, speaking around it. “Probably better than most other schools he’s been to. We’ve stayed here a while, you see, he’s been able to make friends. Plus, he’s crushing heavily on that girl, Jessica?”

 

“Still? He was saying that way back at the GSA meeting.” Cas said with a smile. He took another cherry watching as Dean did the same.

 

“All he _ever_ talks about. Jess this and Jess that. Can’t blame him though, she’s as pretty as a spring day.” Dean said with a small smile.

 

“And I noticed you haven’t really explored being gay yet?” Cas said, taking a leap.

 

“No, I haven’t, have I? I guess I’m still waiting for your pointers, Cas. Why don’t you have the last cherry?” Dean said, a small smirk playing at his lips.

 

“Thanks.” Cas said with a curt nod. He put the cherry to his mouth, biting down on it. Dean looked in his eyes, and brushed his hand away. Then, as if in slow motion, Dean’s mouth was coming closer until it was on the other half of the cherry, lip against lip, tooth against tooth. He bit off his half, moving away to toss the pip in the pile and swallow the flesh.

 

“That wasn’t nearly as romantic or as smooth as I hoped it would be.” Dean said with a sigh.

 

“You’re right. What a terrible first kiss.” Cas said. Well this explained a lot. All the dry lips and burning cheeks, without even knowing it, he was in love with Dean. It was there all along.

 

“How about the second?” Dean said. “I’m sure it can be salvaged.”

 

“I think you’re right.” Cas said, threading a hand through surprisingly soft hair to pull Dean closer.

 

“I like being gay already,” Dean said. His pupils were dilated and there was a slight blush to his cheeks. The third, fourth and fifth kisses got better and better, and Dean’s hand was just starting to explore Cas’ chest when a very loud “I’m walking up the beach now,” came from Sam. Dean broke off the kiss, and smiled at Cas.

 

“Good swim, Sammy?” Dean asked, cheeks pink.

 

“Yeah, it really was.” Sam winked at them both and tugged his shirt back on.

 

They packed up in a matter of moments, heading back to the car. Cas went to get in the back again when Sam said “You want shotgun?”

 

“Nah. Dean will get all handsy, you know what he’s like.” Cas said with a smile, and got an affection elbow dig from Dean. Dean pecked a kiss on his nose.

 

“Would not. Can’t crash my baby can I?” Dean said with a smirk.

 

They drove back to the Novak’s house, pulling up to the garage. Cas got out and was just passing the driver’s window when Dean called out.

 

“Yeah?” Cas said.

 

“You forgot this.” Dean said, and, with a fistful of Cas’ shirt kissed him long and hard. Cas watched them drive away with a big smile and burning cheeks. He went inside, only to meet Gabriel at the door.

 

“And who’s lover boy, hey?” He said with a smirk.

 

“Dean Winchester. What’s it to you?” Cas said, and walked away, feeling elated. He waved at the rest of his family, even bending down to give Azazel a big pat.

 

 

 

 

Cas arrived at school on Monday feeling a little bemused and kind of excited. He and Dean had been texting back and forth; Dean’s texts getting raunchier and raunchier until he received one at dinnertime on Sunday night that made him blush and ask to be excused. After all that, he wasn’t sure what to expect on that first day back.

 

He got up at his usual time, had his breakfast of toast and fruit and went outside by the garage to wait for Jo’s Buick to drive him to school. In place of the white car was a very shiny Impala, mirroring its earlier position from Saturday. Dean was in the drivers seat and Sam was riding shotgun, but when he saw Cas appear, he got out and made to get in the back.

 

“What are you doing, Sam? I’m fine to ride in the back.” Cas said, opening the trunk to shove his bag in along side Dean and Sam’s bags.

 

“Nah, Cas, it’s better this way. Don’t have to smell Dean’s breath.” Sam said, sliding in behind the driver’s seat to miss the light slap Dean aimed at him.

 

“If you’re sure…” Cas said, still hesitating at the shotgun door.

 

“Of course I’m sure. I’ve got the rest of my life to ride with him, don’t I? You can have today.” Sam said, reaching forward to muss up Dean’s hair.

 

“Get in, Cas. Baby and Dean wait for no man.” Dean said, patting the bench seat. Cas slid in, careful not to sit on Dean’s hand.

 

They arrived at school twenty minutes early, and Sam almost leapt out, grabbing his bag and dashing off to his friends with a “Bye Dean ‘n Cas!” 

 

Dean made to get out of the car when Cas stopped him.

 

“Ah Dean- if you could just hold on for a minute. I just want to talk about- well, this is cheesy, but talk about us.” Cas said, staring at his hands.

 

“Like those girls are doing over there, by the water fountain?” Dean said and Cas looked up to see a cluster of five girls, all sending glances their way, and by the looks of it, giggling.

 

“Let’s give them something to talk about.” Dean said, and reached over, pulling Cas to him. Dean kissed him long and hard, tongue warm in his mouth and Cas was a little breathless by the time they’d finished.

 

“We’ll talk in English, ok? I promise.” Dean gave Cas’ crotch a cheeky pat, got his bag and walked into school, Cas following suit.

 

Word spread quickly for a school of that magnitude, and Cas was a little overwhelmed. He caught Jo just as they were going into biology, and sat down next to her.

 

“I don’t understand what’s going on. Why is everyone looking at me all of a sudden?” Cas said, exasperated. He’d already had to push through two groups of girls at his locker and it was barely eleven.

 

“The way I understand it is that Dean is new, good looking and gay- sort of. The fact that he’s going out with you, someone they all know, is quite shocking. Especially since it’s _you_ Cas.” Jo said with a laugh.

 

“What do you mean, it’s _me?_ ” Cas said, growing more confused with every word Jo said.

 

“Well, it’s not like you’re ugly- most girls totally go for that reclusive smart guy type, and when you came out, they all sort of gave up. But now, after hardly dating for three years, suddenly you snag the new hottie? It was unexpected, that’s all. You make a really cute couple though- everyone loves you. They even have a couple name for you, can you believe it?” Jo said.

 

“We’re barely even- a couple name? What does that mean?” Cas asked.

 

“You know, like Brangelina. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. A couple name?” Jo said.

 

“What is it?” Cas asked. He wasn’t sure why he was curious- he wasn’t even sure if he and Dean were going out.

 

“Get this- Destiel.” Jo said.

 

“Destiel? They seriously came up with a couple name for us?” Cas was shocked, and some little part in him was kind of pleased.

 

“Yeah! You’re the new ‘it’ couple. If we had King and King of prom people would totally vote for you.” Jo said.

 

“That is so weird.” Cas said, but he couldn’t quite hide a smile.

 

Lunchtime came and went, with Dean texting him to say he had to stay back late in Hendrickson’s chemistry class. He ate lunch with Jo and tried to ignore people shooting him occasional glances. Ten minutes before lunch ended, Jo said she wanted to talk to their Spanish teacher, so Cas was left to finish his lunch alone. Just as he was packing up to leave as well, Smith and Wesson (Cas wasn’t sure of their first names- everyone had always just called them Smith and Wesson) two of the football jocks came up to the table.

 

“Hey, Castiel. Congrats, man.” Smith said.

 

“Yeah, well done. Dean’s a cool guy.” Wesson said.

 

“Are you being sarcastic?” Cas asked warily. Homophobia was not on his daily schedule.

 

“Nah, seriously. Dean’s in my business class, he’s great. Wes and I were talking before about Dean, and you know what we realised?” Smith said.

 

“What?” Cas said, chewing on his lip.

 

“With you going out with Dean, it means Lisa is free for us! Plus heaps of other chicks that were fawning over him.” Said Wesson and Smith nodded his head enthusiastically.

 

“Can’t say how glad we are, man. Doing us a favour, really. But get him to try out for the team, yeah? He’s got the shoulders for it.” With that, Smith waved goodbye and they left, leaving a very bemused Cas behind.

 

Spanish flew by and Cas didn’t take any notes- he sat there with a small smile on his face and a blank expression in his eyes. The first thing to startle him was the bell- he jerked out of his stupor to see Jo staring at him.

 

“Well that was weird.” Jo said, walking out.

 

Cas grabbed his bag and followed after her.

 

“Did I seriously miss that whole period?” Cas asked.

 

“Sure did. Senora didn’t ask you anything though, so don’t be worried.” Jo headed off towards her maths classroom. Cas made a note to stop being so distracted, and walked to English.

 

Dean was sitting in the seat next to Cas’ seat, notebook open with writing and scribbling out in equal amounts on the page. He looked up as Cas walked in.

 

“Finishing off your limerick.” Dean said. “Want to hear it?”

 

“Not really. Are you still writing that thing?” Cas said, a surprised note in his tone.

 

“I hate not to finish something I started. Which reminds me-” Dean leaned over their desks and kissed Cas, tongue swiping along his lower lip. “Continued from this morning.” He said with an easy grin.

 

“Are we a couple, Dean?” Cas asked.

 

“Did Smith and Wesson come talk to you? They got me in business. There I am, working out an interest rate for my share of the profits from my ferret farm-”

 

“Don’t ask?”

 

“Don’t ask. And then suddenly those two were all over me, showering me with thanks now that I’ve ‘left Lisa free’” Dean said.

 

“Do either of them actually have a chance with her?” Cas asked.

 

“Smith’s probably more her type of the two of them. Got that pretty boy look about him.” Dean said, pouted with his hand on his hip, and they both laughed.

 

“So seriously.” Cas said, drawing them back onto the topic.

 

“Seriously? I think we are. You’re a good kisser. Sam couldn’t be more in love with you if he tried. I don’t see where we’re going wrong yet. We’re just seeing where things go. That ok with you?” Dean said.

 

“Yeah. That’s good.” Cas smiled, feeling warm inside.

 

Later that week, Friday morning in the car, Cas was still trying to finish his breakfast (Sam had an early meeting for one of the many clubs he’d joined, and when Dean had asked him the day before, Cas had agreed to go early- he hadn’t realised quite how early). Dean had decided that Cas should meet John, their father. Sam was good-naturedly opposed to it, questioning when Dean and Cas had gotten close enough that they were meeting each other’s parents as a ‘couple’. The conversation picked up again at lunch, with Jo taking Sam’s place.

 

“I just want Cas to know who dad is. Probably won’t even mention our relationship.” Dean said, reaching over and grabbing the last of Cas’ burger. He shoved it in his mouth as Cas looked at him indignantly.

 

“Do you mind? I was enjoying that.” Cas said.

 

“Nah, I don’t mind.” Dean said slightly bready, smiling wide.

 

“Uh, gross Dean. Anyway, I have to go, I’m meeting Becky in the library to discuss our history project.” Jo said, gathering the remains of her lunch.

 

“Nerd!” Dean called after her, with a fond smile on his face.

 

“Dean, I don’t have to meet your father if you don’t want me to. Either is fine with me, really. Don’t feel like you have to do anything special for me.” Cas said, cautiously.

 

“What do you mean? He’d probably like to meet you.”

 

“But you don’t have to introduce me as your boyfriend or anything. That doesn’t really matter to me.” But it did matter to Cas- his relationship with Dean was the best he’d ever had, and Dean was being weird about the whole thing- wanting to invite him over but making out like Cas was just his friend.

 

“We’ll see. Have you got Spanish next?” Dean asked.

 

“Si.” Cas said.

 

“Then I’ve got shop. I’ll meet you in English?” Dean said, heading off in the direction of the west block. Cas waved after him before spotting Anna a few paces ahead of him, moving to catch up with her.

 

“Hey Anna. How’s things?” Cas said, once he’d caught up with her.

 

“Since this morning? Not a lot has changed. I’ve been thinking about you and Dean.” Anna said.

 

“Oh?” Cas said, curious.

 

“Jo told me you’re going to meet John. Are you serious about this ‘meet the parents’ thing?” Anna said.

 

“What do you mean?” Cas said, shooting her a questioning look.

 

“Well- I mean, sure you know Dean, but it feels like things are- I don’t know. Jo said John was-”Anna trailed off, her eyes serious.

 

“I may as well just see if I like him, to begin with.” Cas said.

 

“Like who?” Balthazar said, appearing from thin air.

 

“John, Dean’s father.” Cas said.

 

“Wow.” Balthazar said with a low whistle.

 

“What?” Cas said.

 

“I just didn’t realise Dean was your _booooooooooyfriend!_ You’re so serious!” Balthazar said laughing. He and Anna nudged Cas from either side.

 

“He’s not! We’re not! I mean- I don’t know. We haven’t exchanged rings or anything. We’re just-” Cas remembered Dean’s words from earlier that week. “Seeing where things go.”

 

“You just keep telling yourself that. Can I be your maid of honour?” Balthazar said, fluttering his eyelashes.

 

“Ha ha ha.” Cas said, waving the two goodbye as he entered the Spanish classroom.

 

The next day, Dean texted him at ten o’clock, telling Cas to come over. Cas finished off his breakfast, told Anna he’d be out for a few hours and began the walk to the Winchester’s house. Sam opened the door, looking tired.

 

“You alright, Sam?” Cas asked.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Didn’t sleep too well last night is all. Come in- dad’s excited to meet you.” Sam ushered him through the door.

 

A tall man appeared from the living room with a faint smile on his face. His eyes were dark, matching his hair and the three-day stubble on his chin. His hair was slightly greying and his eyes looked old.

 

“John Winchester. Pleased to meet you.” John said extending a hand.

 

“Castiel Novak.” Cas shook John’s hand and smiled at him. At that moment, Sam sneezed three times very loudly, drawing the attention to him.

 

“Are you getting sick, Sammy? Do you want some cold medicine?” Dean said, already making his way into the kitchen. Sam followed after him.

 

“So Dean hasn’t told me a lot about you Castiel, mind filling me in?” John said, taking a seat on a couch that had seen better days.

 

“Um- well you can call me Cas, first off. I’ve lived here all my life, and my family is kind of spread across the world. I have English with Dean and I’ve known Ellen and Jo since I was- since forever really.” Cas said.

 

“Ellen did mention you, now that I think of it. Said you were a good guy.” John said. Even though John was complimenting him, Cas still felt on edge. It felt like John was judging every move he made. At that moment, Dean and Sam came back from the kitchen.

 

“We were thinking the three of us would go out to the beach Dad. Is that ok?” Dean said.

 

“It’s pretty cold. You’d all best rug up, you especially Sam. Don’t want that cold turning into anything more, you hear?” John said, and moved into the den in the next room.

 

“The beach? It’s really cold, Dean.” Cas said, frowning.

 

“I can think of something we can do to keep warm.” Dean said with a smirk.

 

“No thanks! I don’t want to go anyway, I have to meet with my group about our geography project. Could you drive me to Brody’s house?” Sam said.

 

“You’re not going to ditch me, are you Cas?” Dean said, pouting.

 

“Fine. What do you want to do?” Cas asked.

 

“I really do want to go to the beach. It’s the kind of day for it!” Dean said happily.

 

“Alright, I’ll go get the sandwiches.” Cas said, turning to the door and walking out onto the porch.

 

Dean put a hand on his shoulder and when Cas looked at him, Dean pressed a kiss to his lips. He winked, and went back into his house.

 

They met back after thirty minutes, Cas equipped with sandwiches and cherries (he wasn’t sure who in his house kept buying them, but they were delicious) and Sam looked like he’d put on thirty pounds with the amount of warm clothing that Dean had managed to coax onto him - a hat, two scarves, a vest and two jackets, not to mention two pairs of socks. Dean, on the other hand had on a long sleeve shirt and his leather jacket. Scarves, hats and multiple pairs of socks nowhere to be seen.

 

“This is ridiculous, Dean.” Sam said, slightly muffled from the neck warmer Dean had just slipped over his head.

 

“Don’t be silly, Sammy. You’re not getting cold on my watch.” Dean said, fixing and refixing Sam’s arrangement of cold weather clothes.

 

“You’re not my mom!” Sam said and Dean went still. Then he guided Sam out the door and Cas followed them. They didn’t speak for the whole trip across town where they dropped Sam off at Brady Johnson’s house (Sam felt slightly less embarrassed when Brady opened the door in only one less scarf). Sam and Cas drove off to Manteocre Beach.

 

It really was too cold to swim, but they pulled out the blanket Cas had the good sense to bring and sat on the beach, watching the waves. It felt calm; a comfortable silence.

 

“Dean?” Cas said, after about half an hour.

 

“Yes Cas?” Dean answered.

 

“It’s ok if you don’t want to talk about it, but what happened to your mom?” Cas asked tentatively.

 

“She uh- she died. When I was four. Sam was only six months old. She died from cancer, just like Sammy has. They say it’s not hereditary but you never know, hey?” Cas thought about what Dean had said- a whole new branch to the Winchesters that was blossoming right before his eyes. A mother and a son bound together by a terrible illness. Dean was quiet for a few moments and then spoke again, haltingly this time.

 

“She knew she had it, had it before Sam was conceived but then she got pregnant and she just- wouldn’t let go, you know? She was so strong, just like Sam. They said it was a medical miracle. Dad could barely look at Sam when we found out he was sick but I guess he’s gotten better over the years, learned to cope with seeing the same thing over again. He does the best he can for us, I’m sure of that.” Dean said, and Cas realised Dean’s grip on his hand had gotten tighter.

 

“Do you- do you remember her? Do you miss her?” Cas asked.

 

“Like you wouldn’t believe. I still sometimes dream about her, usually when Sammy’s back in hospital, especially if he’s not doing so well. She always told me angels were watching over me, and then, it really feels like she’s wherever we go after we die, just smiling down at me.” Dean said, and he smiled too.

 

“Has Sam ever- did you ever think he wasn’t going to make it?” Cas asked uncertainly.

 

“Once, right when I started high school. He was ten, and one day, a few days before Christmas I’m pretty sure, he got a cold that just escalated- all because we’d been playing in the snow. It was my fault he caught the cold- he almost died. It was so close. I guess that explains my behaviour before about the jumpers- something like that doesn’t exactly put you at ease.” Dean rested his head in his hands. Cas rubbed his hand on Dean’s face where it was still caught in Dean’s grip. Dean looked up after a few minutes, eyes a little red. “If we’re sharing and caring… what happened to your mother? If, of course you don’t mind me asking.”

 

“She left us when I was nine. It almost killed my father, being without her. Then, I guess his work took over- that’s why he’s away so often, I think. He can’t stand being around our house.” Cas said.

 

“So you never moved?” Dean asked.

 

“Nope. He still has most of her things, too, if you can believe it. She just left one day, while we were all out at work and school. She’s written a few postcards, now and then, telling us all she loves us, but I don’t think I miss her. My brothers are more like parents than either of my parents ever were to Anna and I, so I don’t really feel like I’m missing out.” Cas said. “Are you hungry? We should eat.”

 

Cas got up, eased his hand out of Dean’s grip and went to the car to get the food. They moved up onto the grass where they’d sat last time and dug into the sandwiches. Cas brought up the Spanish excursion he and Jo’s class were going on, and Dean began to list every Mexican restaurant he’d ever been to, rating the burritos on a scale of ‘throw up in my mouth’ to ‘could eat for the rest of my life’. The list took a lot longer than Cas would have imagined, well past the time it took for them to eat, and by the time Dean was finishing up with the last place, (a back alley joint in California that Dean said was off the scale, specifically ‘foodgasm’) Cas had his head resting on Dean’s chest, and Dean’s hands were woven through his hair, tracing symbols on Cas’ skull.

 

“That sure is a lot of Mexican places, Dean. I’m sufficiently worried about your health.” Cas said, smiling at the sky.

 

“I lost count around Idaho. There’s probably quite a few more that I’ve blocked from my memory.” Dean said with a chuckle that Cas could feel, deep rumbling all around him. “How’d you know you were gay, Cas?” Dean asked.

 

“Well, when a boy likes boys more than girls, a little fairy comes to him and says ‘Castiel, you are gay!’” Cas said and Dean laughed louder this time, reaching down to press a kiss to Cas’ temple. “Seriously?” Cas asked.

 

“Seriously.” Dean answered.

 

“Well, it was freshman year. And you know Lisa?” Cas said.

 

“I’m confused to where this story is going, but yes, I do know Lisa.” Dean said.

 

“She and Smith were sort of- you know the flirting that freshmen do, it doesn’t mean anything, they weren’t actually dating, but they both sat in front of me in freshman English, and I used to be so jealous of Smith, just wanting to be with Lisa. And then, one night I had a dream and I was…” Cas trailed off.

 

“You were what?” Dean said.

 

“No, it’s embarrassing. I’m not going to tell you.” Cas said stubbornly.

 

“Oh come on, a story like that means you have to tell me!” Dean said.

 

“Fine. I was Lisa. Well- I was in her place. And Smith was flirting with _me_ and it was probably the best dream of my life.” Dean laughed, loud and long and Cas blushed. “I shouldn’t have told you, I knew you were going to laugh.”

 

“Aw, little Cas had a crush on a football jock! That’s adorable!” Dean said, still laughing.

 

“You can’t tell anyone, promise? My brothers would never let me live it down.” Cas said.

 

“I promise. It’ll just be our little secret.” Dean said, resuming stroking Cas’ hair.

 

“How did _you_ know you were gay then?” Cas asked indignantly, his cheeks still hot.

 

“The first moment I met you.” Dean says, straight faced.

 

Cas raises his eyebrows and Dean breaks face, chuckling.

 

“I have this fake ID, right? And in the last place we lived, Sam was at a friend’s house, and I thought, hey, I have a fake ID, why not go to the bar down the street? Sam was well and I needed to get away from dad for a couple of hours. I was sixteen at the time,” Dean said but Cas cut him off.

 

“Sixteen? That’s five years below the legal drinking limit!” Cas said, sounding unintentionally horrified.

 

“That’s why it was a _fake_ ID. I was pretty nervous to tell you the truth, but the barman barely looked up. So there I am, with a beer in my hand and this guy from across the bar is looking at me, all sort of ‘come hither’. He was decent looking and I was really, _really_ bored and I just thought ‘well, why not?’ I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I wasn’t just a little bit attracted to him.” Dean said.

 

“And then? What happened next?” Cas said, sounding embarrassingly eager.

 

“We went outside, he got down on his knees and sucked me off. It wasn’t the worst blow job I’d ever had, a little too much teeth, but his eyes- looking straight into mine the whole time. Came like a twelve year old. I thanked him and went on my way, and then here I am.” Dean said and Cas applauded him a little sarcastically.

 

“A much better story than mine.” Cas said grinning.

 

“I’m just a lot more worldly than you. You’ve heard how many Mexican places I’ve been to.” Dean said. “Promise now that if Smith ever looked your way, you’d stay with me?”

 

“I promise.” Cas said, leaning over to plant a kiss on Dean’s cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

 

 

Halloween wasn’t something Cas’ family had ever made a habit of celebrating, but about a week before, Dean said he had a very good idea for a costume for the two of them. Cas let be, promising to wear it after Dean promised it didn’t involve nudity or skin tight leather (Dean looked very disappointed when Cas requested the latter.)

 

Sam was dressing up as a pumpkin, with the help of Ellen, and when Halloween came around, he was orange, head to toe with a fantastic shell and a stalk hat.

 

Dean had told Cas to meet him at school, where they would change into the costumes. Cas changed into the suit Dean had given him, and then heard something being wheeled into the bathroom. Cas came out of the stall to see Dean, hair slicked down in a turtleneck and blazer, holding a wheelchair.

 

“Am I Charles Xavier from X-Men First Class?” Cas asked.

 

“Yes! Fantastic idea wasn’t it!” Dean said.

 

“Yes Dean. Do I have to be in the wheel chair all day?” Cas asked. “I don’t think I have the arm-strength to push myself around all day.”

 

“Don’t be silly, I’ll push you around- you look great by the way!” Dean said. “Hop in the wheelchair.”

 

Cas did as he was told then swivelled around to take another look at Dean’s costume.

 

“You came as Erik?” Cas asked.

 

“Duh! The hair took me aaaaages.” Dean said.

 

“You’re really into Halloween, aren’t you?” Cas said. The attention to detail was impeccable.

 

“I mean, when Sam and I were kids, the candy was the main thing, but ah- I mean, in all these years, Sam’s never been sick on Halloween, it’s the holiday every year he gets to- anyway, I mean who doesn’t want to be someone else for a day?” Dean said. “C’mon, you’ll be late to biology.”

 

True to his word, Dean wheeled him around for most of the day. Cas was actually really surprised at the number of people who understood who he was meant to be- many people commented on how cute Dean and Cas were together. It wasn’t until the ten minute break between fifth and sixth period, when Dean was in the process of wheeling Cas to English that Cas saw something that he felt rivalled the matching costumes he and Dean had on.

 

Jessica Moore and Sam were standing at his locker, talking, and although Sam looked a little nervous, he looked like he was handling it well. They heard Jessica say “So I’ll see you there, ok?” and then lean over and kiss him on the cheek. Sam blushed slightly, and waved as she and her cat’s tail swished off through the halls.

 

Dean began wheeling them over to Sam. “Ohhhhh! Who’s the girlfriend, Sammy?” Dean asked, almost jumping up and down with excitement.

 

“Jessica Moore, Dean. I’ve been doing a history project with her all week.” Sam said, faintly defensive.

 

“Never kissed you on the _cheek_ before, has she?” Dean said, grin as wide as the sky.

 

“Leave me alone, Dean- I have to get to art!” Sam said, trying to make his way through the halls in his clunky pumpkin costume.

 

“Sam and Jess, sit-ting in a treeeeeee!” Dean sang out, spinning the wheel chair around and directing them towards English.

 

Dean and Cas had been invited to Lisa’s Halloween party, who, even though Dean had no interest in her sexually, had still become friends with them both. They were going to the party, really- but then when they got back to Cas’ house to wash up, Cas saw, what a coincidence really, that Gabriel had recorded X-Men First Class, so they decided to stay in and watch that instead. They got up to the part where Charles and Erik meet Angel for the first time, and then, almost simultaneously, they decided to move to a bed themselves. They were happily making out when Cas heard a door open and close downstairs. He passed it off as Anna or one of his brothers, but when he heard his father call up the stairs, he went into a semi-panic. Shirts were smoothed or put back on and Dean was just doing up his fly, Cas’ hand removed only moments before, when Cas’ father walked in.

 

“Hello Father.”

 

“Good evening, Mr Novak.”

 

“Hello boys. Dean, I’m afraid you’ll have to go home, Castiel promised he’d help clean the house in preparation for his Aunty Madison coming over on the weekend- sorry to cut Halloween short.” Mr Novak said, and walked Dean to the door. He came back up shortly, and said “Castiel.” In a voice that could only mean trouble.

 

“Yes father?” Cas said.

 

“Now, you haven’t been very big on the whole “dating” thing before, but now you are, I think we need to have a chat about some ground rules in this house. I assure you, all your brothers had this same talk when they were your age.”

 

“Ok…?” Cas said nervously.

 

“Whilst I understand that as a teenager, you want to… how should I put it… explore yourselves sexually, I don’t want this to turn into some sort of brothel or orgy. Have some common sense, and courtesy, and remember that others live in this house too. Also, I insist in the proper use of protection, some of which are-”

 

“Ok father, that’s quite enough. I understand, and I’ll be more… how did you put it? Courteous in future.” Cas said, smiling ruefully.

 

“Thank you Castiel. He seems like a very nice boy. Very polite, and always has something nice to say about you.” Mr Novak said, and left the room.

 

Cas pulled out his phone and sent Dean “Dad told me to be more courteous- keep your moans down next time.”

 

His phone vibrated a minute later, when Dean shot back “Same to you, lover boy.”

 

 

 

As October drew to a close, Sam got a cough which started small and ended up close to pneumonia. Dean was hard to be around while Sam was in the hospital for extended periods- the only time he was calm (and then, that was a stretch) was sitting by Sam’s bedside or in the Impala. They went for a lot of drives at the start of November, just Cas and Dean, almost waiting out the hours between school and visits to Sam and sleep, because for those two weeks, they didn’t do much else. At one point, Cas can’t remember exactly how, he got onto the topic of his father’s company’s ball, and Dean asked if there was one on this year. Cas nodded.

 

“When?” Dean asked.

 

“Last week of November. Why?” Cas said.

 

“Got to know when to rent my tux, don’t I?” Dean said, and Cas smiled big for the rest of the day.

 

Sam got worse through November, cold still lingering and he couldn’t go home anymore- stayed in the hospital bed, unmoving. One permanent fixture at his bedside was Jessica Moore-which pleased Sam no end. She brought him Spanish homework and stories from her day, about their friends- and Cas had walked in with Dean more than once to find her just holding Sam’s hand, staring into his eyes.

 

By the end of November Sam was hardly able to move his body- Cancer was cutting through him like a knife, and Cas began to heave a sigh of relief every time they walked in and he was still there- still breathing.

 

Cas and Dean went to see Sam before they went to the ball. They had about 15 minutes before visiting hours were over for the day. They walked in, all dressed up, and Sam looked faintly surprised.

 

“Getting married?” He said, and choked out a laugh.

 

The ball was held at one of the ritzier hotels in the next town over, and Dean and Cas drove there, talking faintly about school and the Impala and not about the fact that Sam had yet another machine connected up to him.

 

Cas hadn’t seen his father properly since he’d stayed for that week back in September, and he could have sworn he sent him an email about Dean coming as his date, but Cas’ father still looked surprised when they walked in together.

 

“Castiel? Where’s your date?” Father asked, surreptitiously looking Dean up and down.

 

“Here, father. You remember Dean Winchester?” Cas said, smiling nervously.

 

“Of course. Lovely to see you again, Dean.” Father said.

 

“Nice to see you again too, Sir.” Dean said, smiling.

 

“Charming. Enjoy yourselves tonight, boys. Don’t forget to give a donation!” He said, and walked away to talk to a very important looking man. Castiel put his hand in the small of Dean’s back and steered him over to their table.

 

“Why am I the girl in this relationship?” Dean asked, glaring at Cas.

 

“What?” Cas said, momentarily distracted by the sight of Gabriel shaking his chest in a way that Cas had last seen in the video he’d watched about Bollywood over the holidays.

 

“ _Your_ hand is on the small of _my_ back.” Dean said, brushing Cas’ hand away. “If anything, I should be the man in this relationship.”

 

“Whatever you say, dear.” Cas said, laughing and ducking as Dean reached out a hand to smack him upside the head.

 

The rest of the night went well, and many people commented on how handsome Dean and Cas looked together. As the night drew to a close, they gathered their coats and said their goodbyes. Cas left Dean in the hallway as he went back to speak to his father.

 

“Father?” Cas said to his father as he chatted to a middle-aged man in a well-tailored suit.

 

“Ah, Castiel. This is my youngest, along with his twin sister. Castiel, this is Crowley. He runs the opposition company. We’ve been friends for a long while.” Father said.

 

“I recently got a big promotion- our old boss moved onto bigger and brighter things, so now I’m king, so to speak. Very kind of your father to host this ball and invite me- A very good cause as well. I think I met you when you were oh- ten?” Crowley said.

 

“Of course. It’s nice to see you again.” Cas said. “Father, Dean and I are off.”

 

“Is that the handsome young man you were with? And wasn’t he a looker!” Crowley said.

 

“Yes, that’d be him.” Cas said, waving them off, only feeling slightly uncomfortable.

 

 

 

On the first day of December, Dean wasn’t at school. Cas tried not to worry, knowing he was probably just with Sam, and tried to go on with his day as usual. Dean had been absent more and more, and Cas had started going back to Jo for a ride home- the Buick felt too small after the Impala.

 

Cas and Anna got out of the Buick at their house and waved goodbye to Jo. When they walked through the front door, Gabriel was waiting for them in the hall.

 

“Dad called while you were at school. You’ll want to call him back.” Gabriel said, and ushered them through to the study.

 

Cas dialled the number, and in seconds their father’s voice was on the other line.

 

“Castiel, Anna. How was school?” Their father asked.

 

“Good.” They answered in unison.

 

“Now, I suppose you’re wondering why I called.”

 

“Yes.” Anna said.

 

“I called you because we need to have a chat. More than just our usual check ups. As you know, I’ve been away on business a lot more than usual, working late when I’m here but more often than not I’m away. I’ve speaking to head executives of the company for about three months about where my business is _going_ and really, if I want to keep it alive, it needs to move. Permanently.”

 

“You’re leaving for good?” Cas asked the phone.

 

“No, of course not. We’re moving. Now, I know you’re half way through your senior year, but this is a big deal, with huge rewards if I can make it work! Surely you can understand that.” Their father’s voice stayed at a monotone.

 

“We’re moving?” Anna said, dumbstruck.

 

“All of us. Of course, the others are older so they have more choice in the matter, but you’ll be living in the new house. I’ll be around a lot more and we can spend more time with each other. I promise, this is a move in the right direction.”

 

“But Dad, we can’t move, I have friends here-” Anna said.

 

“And I have- I have Dean! And Sam! We’ve never had to move before, why now?” Cas said.

 

“This isn’t open for discussion. We’re leaving at the end of the month.” Their father had hung up.

 

Cas walked out of the kitchen, and slammed the door behind him.

 

“Cas, where are you going?” Zachariah called from the kitchen window.

 

“Out.” Cas fired back, and walked down the drive. Azazel followed him for a while till Cas shooed him away, and continued walking.

 

He walked out the front door, and turned in the direction of the Winchesters. It took him about half an hour to get there, considering he walked about ten blocks in the wrong direction and had to walk back again. He went up the drive and was about to knock when he heard shouting from within.

 

“He’s sick, dad! He’s sick and he might not get better!”

 

“Don’t talk that way boy. Don’t speak that way to your father.”

 

“My _father_ should be coming with me to the hospital to visit his dying son!”

 

They were in the hallway, nose to nose. He stood, enraptured, as the two of them stared each other down and then Dean softened, saying ‘It might be the last time, Dad. I just don’t want- I know you care, I _know_ you do.” John caught a glimpse of Cas out of the corner of his eye and turned to face him.

 

“Afternoon, Castiel. Help you with anything?” John said, tone measured.

 

“Just, ah-”

 

“We’re going to the hospital. You need us, you’ll find us there.” Dean turned tail, and walked out the door, grabbing Cas’ hand on the way.

 

They got in the Impala, and Dean drove the now familiar path to the hospital. As they were getting out, Cas stopped Dean.

 

“Dean, I have some- some news.” Cas said, biting his lip.

 

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean said.

 

“My Dad’s moving the company, and us with it. I’m leaving by the end of the month.” Cas said, and looked at the gravel under the Impala’s wheels.

 

“Don’t tell Sammy, hey? He’d just get all worried, and that’s not what I want. He probably won’t get to see you go, mind.” Dean said, and turned to walk into the hospital.

 

“Dean, don’t talk like that.” Cas said, melancholy.

 

“Why, Cas? It’s true, isn’t it? We need to start accepting that. Sooner the better, I say. The doctors say he has a week at most.” He reached back into the car. “Almost forgot the cherries.”

 

“A week? Surely not- he was fine a month ago!” Cas said angrily.

 

“Well, now he’s not. Are you coming, or what?” Dean said, and walked in.

 

Cas hurried after him, and they walked into the hospital, headed for room 221. Cas hesitantly pushed open the door. “Sam?”

 

“Yeah- still here.” Sam’s voice was raspy, and his eyes strained to open. His cheekbones stood out and his hands were frail where they lay clasped on his chest. It was a day since Cas had seen him, and yet every time he was so much smaller.

 

“Did you bring the-” Sam said, breathily.

 

“Yeah, course Sam. Don’t strain your voice anymore.” Dean said, and passed a cherry over to him. He put it to his lips, bit into it and a droplet of cherry juice stayed on his lips, reminding Cas of that moment, only two weeks ago.

 

 

 

It was unusual for Cas to get a bathroom pass, seeing as he was never bored in class, especially during English class, however, that day, he’d drunk a lot at lunch, so there he was, just washing his hands when his phone played his message tone. He checked his phone, seeing a text saying ‘Missing you already’ which Cas guessed was Dean’s attempt to be romantic and funny at the same time, seeing as he would see him in about three minutes when Cas heard a muffled but plaintive ‘Cas?’ from the toilet cubicle.

 

“Sam?” Cas said.

 

“Yeah. I have a bit of a- a problem.” Sam’s voice was shaking, and he sounded very scared. Sam unlocked the door and walked out, one hand on his bag and the other holding toilet paper to his mouth. That explained the muffle. Sam pulled the toilet paper away, and Cas could see it was covered with blood.

 

“Oh, Sam.” For a moment, Cas could do nothing but stare at the toilet paper, but then he snapped to action, pulling out his phone. He shot a text to Dean telling him to come to the level two bathrooms at once, and then turned back to Sam.

 

“How long?” Cas asked.

 

“It’s never been this much before. But uh- a couple of days.” Sam answered sheepishly.

 

“And you didn’t _tell_ us?” Cas said, shocked.

 

“I didn’t want to worry you! It’s probably nothing!” Sam said, almost pleading.

 

“It is most certainly nothing! I can’t believe-” But Cas could see Sam was on the verge of tears at this point, so Cas just hugged him, not knowing what else to do.

 

“Cas, got your message, and I have to say, the school bathrooms are not the classiest place but if that’s what… works…” Dean was staring at them, staring at Cas hugging Sam tight and staring at the toilet paper soaked in blood.

 

“Hospital. Now.” Dean said.

 

 

 

Cas looked at Sam, then at Dean. He took a cherry from the bag, popped it in his mouth and chewed, careful not to bite down too hard on the pip.

 

“Dean, Cas-” Sam said, commanding both their attention.

 

“Sammy, you should rest your voice-” Dean began, but Sam cut him off.

 

“No Dean. I have to say this. Might be my last chance. Before when I used to get sick, I was always worried about you Dean. How you’d be if I were to die. How hard Dad would be on you, if you would finish school. But now,” Sam paused to cough heavily. “Now, you’ve got Cas. And now I know, if I die, then that’ll be ok because Cas is there for you. Always there for” Sam yawned “for us. Mmmm.”

 

“Sammy?” Dean said.

 

“Just tired, Dean. Just going to rest my eyes for a few minutes.” Sam said and his breathing grew less ragged, his features relaxing. When the heart monitor didn’t flat line, they both breathed a sigh of relief. They finished off the bag of cherries, leaving one on Sam’s bedside table with the hope that the orderly wouldn’t throw it out. They left at around 8 o’clock, when the nurse shooed them out.

 

Dean came back to Cas’ place, and they curled into each other sleeping in and out, Cas drifting from dream to dream.

 

He woke at about 3 a.m. to hear his phone buzzing. But it wasn’t his phone, it was Dean’s which was still in his jeans pocket, which had somehow ended up underneath Cas’ back.

 

“Dean. Dean, wake up.”

 

“Mmmph- what is it?”

 

“Your phone’s vibrating.” Dean reached over Cas, into his jeans, pulled it out and checked it. His eyes went wide. ‘It’s the-

 

“Of course. Let’s go.”

 

They drove there about twenty miles over the speed limit.  It was 3a.m. on a Thursday morning so the roads weren’t exactly crawling with policemen. They made it, and then everything seemed to slow down. Dragging footsteps to room 221, pushing aside a door made of stone and then the one thing neither of them wanted to see.

 

Sam’s bed was empty, and perfectly made. Dean was staring, and then he was grabbing blindly for Cas’ hand, clasping so tight his hand hurt but Cas’ grip was just as tight. Cas surveyed the room, seeing if somehow Sam was hiding behind the chair or the bed head, waiting to scare them, but it was bare, as though Sam had never been there at all.

 

But he had- they had proof of that and Cas had just spotted it.

 

“Dean- over there.” They walked to the bedside table, and there was one cherry pip, picked clean, in the spot they left the cherry yesterday. Dean walked over, and picked it up.

 

“Just like at-” Dean began to say and then a sob choked his words.

 

“I know, Dean.” Cas said, and the first tears to fall out of Dean’s eyes fell on Cas’ shoulder.

 

“I’m glad you boys are here. It’s been a rough night.” John Winchester was at the door, a cup of coffee in his hand.

 

Dean slowly uncurled himself from Cas. “It’s been a _rough night?_ I can’t believe you. I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!” Dean said, and pushed past John out into the hall, spilling a little of his coffee on the way. John seemed impervious, then turned back to Cas.

 

“I’m sorry you had to see that, Castiel.” John said, an apologetic look on his face.

 

Cas took a deep breath in, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. When one breath didn’t work, he took another, but it wasn’t working. He turned back to John.

 

“Your son- your son is _dying!_ ” Cas said, almost wailing.

 

“Castiel, Sam _is_ dead.” John said, a slightly bemused expression crossing his face.

 

“Not Sam, _Dean!”_ Cas stormed past him heading in the direction Dean had just gone.

 

Dean was in the Impala, hands on the steering wheel and he looked poised to drive. Cas got into the shotgun seat and sat, staring at the dash. Dean turned the key in the ignition, pulling out of the parking lot and driving away with a squeal of tires. They drove in silence, Cas not questioning where they were going but somehow, when they got there he wasn’t surprised.

 

The sound of the surf calmed him down and he watched as Dean began to step out of his boots, and then shrug off his jacket. Cas began to do the same until they were just in their underwear, then Dean began to run, fast as he could, down the beach. Cas followed, unsure. Dean dove into the water, and didn’t come up for a long, tortuous minute until Cas spotted him, several meters from the shore. Cas made haste to catch up, swimming out till he met Dean. They could both just touch the bottom, but that didn’t matter because Dean was reaching out for him, kissing him harder than ever before, biting softly on his lip.

 

He paused for a minute, looked in Cas’ eyes, and said “Prove to me we’re alive Cas- that’s all I want.”

 

They move to the beach after a while, water soaked and Cas is heady, trying to breathe as Dean kisses him long and hard, setting a rhythm that’s in time with their hearts; in time with the waves crashing on the shore.

 

 

 

Cas wakes up, sees the suit hanging from his bedroom door and remembers everything. He gets out of bed, showers and slips into his suit, and then walks over to the Winchester’s house. Instead of Dean, John greets him.

 

“Mr Winchester, I’m ah- sorry about shouting at you at the hospital the other day. That wasn’t very polite of me, and I apologise.” Cas said, eyes to the floor.

 

“No harm done. So, Dean will drive you over there?” John asked.

 

“Yes sir.” Cas answered, and peeked behind John.

 

“He’ll be out in a moment. I’ll see you there, Castiel.” John said, and moved back into the house. Dean came out a few minutes later; mirroring Cas with a suit and in silence they went to the car. Dean drove steadily, but his hands began to tap on the steering wheel, out of tune with the music that was playing, his teeth chewing a hole in his lip. They pulled into the parking lot, and Cas turned to Dean.

 

“You’ll be fine. We can do this.” Cas said, and with that, they got out of the car, hands clasped and walked inside.

 

Sam’s funeral was surprisingly large for a boy who’d been in the town for four months.  Familiar faces were all around. Cas went to join his family- they’d insisted on coming- but Dean wasn’t finished walking, and Cas ended up in the first pew. John joined them moments later, giving Cas a curt nod. Dean made no sign he noticed his father’s arrival.

 

The celebrant spoke of Sam’s light and joy- for once it wasn’t fake because Cas knew that Pastor Jim loved Sam- and then asked for John to come and speak.

 

“My son Sam- after everything he went through, I can see just how amazing he was. He touched so many lives- I’ll always be grateful for my beautiful son. He makes his mother proud.” John said, tears clearly choking him up.

 

Pastor Jim then calling Dean up, and Cas could see him shaking slightly as he came to the lectern.

 

“My brother Sam was the best friend I’ve ever had- without him, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. We fought like all brothers do, but over his life, I realised just how much he meant to me. He used to tell me that even if I couldn’t do something like get into Yale or become the President-” Dean paused for a moment to wipe at his eyes. “I was still a hero in his eyes. Sammy, I know you’re with Mom now, and I know you’re safe.” Dean said, and almost ran down the aisle. Cas looked at John, whose face had lost all emotion, and then ran after Dean.

 

Just like at the hospital, Dean was in the car, poised to drive so Cas climbed in and they sped away. When Cas took one last glance in the rear-view mirror, he saw John framed by the door, staring aghast after them.

 

Dean drove home from the funeral, hands shaking on the wheel but Cas didn’t dare tell him to pull over. He knew that just about now, everyone would be gathering for the wake, but he knew that they weren’t going back. Dean’s jaw was set in a square line, and there were tears silently running down his cheeks, unnoticed. They pulled into the yard of the Winchester’s house, and it felt like it years since they’d been there that morning. Dean turned the car off, tossed his jacket in the back and undid his tie.

 

Cas knew he had to say something, take the pain away somehow because it was up to him now- Sam had made that clear. He looked over at Dean.

 

In the same speed as their first kiss, Dean was moving forwards, on him and pushing him back into the door, mouth hot on Cas’. Dean moved desperately, like a man starved of oxygen and Cas returned his passion. The kisses got hotter, until Dean’s hand moved south, undoing the button of his pants and snaking a hand in when Cas pulled back.

 

“Dean- Dean stop.” Cas said, pushing Dean away ever so slightly.

 

“What’s the matter, Cas? C’mon- you were up for it just a few days ago. C’mon,” Dean’s last word was almost a growl.

 

“That was different!” Cas said, gasping, Dean’s hand still moving in his pants.

 

“My brother was dead then, and he’s dead now. What’s different?” Dean said, leaning forward to kiss Cas’ neck.

 

“ _You’re_ different!” Cas pushed Dean away, harder this time and opened the car door, getting out. “I don’t _like_ you like this! You can be sad, Dean. You don’t have to be angry.” Cas said, slamming the door, and leaning up against it. “I’m going home.” Cas said, starting down the driveway.

 

“Leave! Leave, just like everyone else!” Dean shouted after him but it was half-hearted, and Cas could hear the sob rising in his voice as he tried to laugh it off.

 

Cas returned home and went to his room, locking the door. He laid face down, feeling destroyed and that’s when he felt it, in the front pocket of his pants. His own little ‘princess and the pea’ moment. He rolled over onto his back, fishing a hand in, and pulled out the cherry pip. He felt faint- a repeat of his second day of senior year, he was overwhelmed and it was the Winchesters again- Sam gone and Dean gone as well.

 

 

 

The next few days were quiet. Jo came over once, and Cas held her while she cried till there was nothing left. She seemed better from the experience, but Cas just felt his stomach dropping even lower. He didn’t eat and barely slept- vivid dreams of oceans and cherries and everything was in Spanish- he couldn’t understand anything anyone was saying. The fifth day after the funeral, his whole family went out- he thinks Gabriel might’ve asked him to come but he wasn’t sure- and he fell asleep sitting up. He woke up to someone calling his name- he didn’t think he’d slept that long but it seemed his family was back already. He went to his bedroom door, but finding no one there was puzzled to who was calling out. It sounded like it was coming from _inside_ the bedroom. He went back in, and checked the window, to see if the family car was there. It wasn’t- in its place was Dean Winchester. He was on his knees, holding a bottle of something in his hand and calling out Cas’ name in a very slurred voice.

 

“CAS-CAST-IEL? CAAAAAAAAAAAS?” Dean was shouting from the lawn. Cas went down the stairs and opened the front door.

 

“What are you doing here, Dean?” Cas asked.

 

“Need you-gotta lemme in!” Dean said, but he wasn’t moving in the right direction for the door. Cas went out on the lawn to help him inside, the fact he was wearing five-day old pyjamas of little importance.

 

Dean exhaled liquor with every breath, and his eyes were having trouble focusing on Cas. Cas went to him, looping an arm around his waist and led him inside. Cas drew him a bath- his whole body was damp with sweat, so Cas made it lukewarm, and guided him in, and hopped in right behind him. Dean’s eyes fluttered closed, and his breathing slowed. Cas stroked his hair, and that’s when, after almost two weeks, the first tears began to fall.

 

Cas struggled to understand what was going on - he’s sitting in a goddamn bath- his boyfriend, but not really, drunk off his face is asleep on him and they’re both wearing all their clothes- Cas, more embarrassingly is wearing his Superman pyjamas from when he was twelve. Self pity and sobs rack his body and he sinks lower and lower into a pit of despair.

 

Cas isn’t sure how long they sit there, Dean dead to the world, but it’s got to be hours, and Cas’ skin can’t get anymore wrinkly. He thinks he sleeps at some point- his neck sure is sore enough that he could have. Dean looks sufficiently sober when he wakes up- sober enough to ask “Are we in a bath?”

 

“Yes Dean.” Cas answered.

 

“And you’ve got all your clothes on too?” Dean asked.

 

“Superman pyjamas from when I was twelve.” Cas answered.

 

“Can I do this then?” Dean asks, swivelling gracelessly onto his stomach, and kisses Cas. It’s only a short while before Cas says “Let’s get you some toothpaste and a toothbrush, shall we?”

 

“That bad?” Dean asks.

 

“It makes sense, you drank a lot of- gin? That’s the bottle that’s down here.” Cas said.

 

“Probably.” Dean said. They dry off, Cas bringing them both another set of pyjamas and they crawl into Cas’ bed, surprisingly sleeping the night through.

 

When Cas wakes up the next morning (he’d slept fifteen hours, if he estimated correctly) Dean was still there, face relaxed and breathing deeply. Cas sat, watching him for a few moments before Dean must have felt his presence, and opened his eyes, green pools staring back at Cas.

 

 

They were scheduled to leave just after New Years, but Cas forgot about that and focused on Dean. Dean, for those four weeks was so achingly similar and so obviously different that Cas wanted to spend as much, and as little, time with him as he could. They didn’t go back to Manteocre, staying firmly within their town, and they still went for drives- through the woods at the foot of the mountain behind their houses, and one day, they even drove right up to the top, and went to the lookout.

 

They got out; Dean walking straight to the edge and surveying what was below, Cas following him at a slightly slower pace.

 

They stayed there for a little while, but then Dean said he didn’t like mountains that much after all, so they went home, not talking again.

 

 

Christmas was almost a non-event, and Cas participated marginally- it was only him, Anna and Zachariah left at the house, everyone else promising to celebrate Christmas again when they moved. Around midday, when Cas was a third of the way through one of the novels Anna had got him, the doorbell rang. Zachariah answered it, and a moment later, Cas heard one set of footsteps coming up the stairs. Cas heard a knock, and then Dean opened the door.

 

“Merry Christmas.” Dean said by way of greeting, and Cas hugged him, slightly awkwardly.

 

“I got you something.” Dean said. He reached into his jacket pocket, and pulled out what looked like a vintage comic. “Something to remember me by.” Dean put the comic down on the bed, and turned to leave.

 

“Can we say goodbye when I leave? A proper goodbye?” Cas said, feeling a little choked up.

 

“Sure.” Dean said, and smiled sadly. He pecked Cas on the lips, and said softly “Going to miss being able to do that.” He turned and left, Cas sinking down onto the bed as he heard the footsteps on the stairs grow softer. He turned to the comic on the bed. It was an old one, faded blue and red distinguishing itself as a Superman comic. He reached over to pick it up, and inside fell out a gold amulet, the one he’d seen so many times around Dean’s neck. He fell asleep that night, clutching it in his hands.

 

 

It was moving day- all his things had been packed and loaded on the truck that was already on its way- Cas and Anna and Zachariah would be the last to arrive at their father’s new house.

 

He got up, changed into his clothes, and transferred the cherry pip from his pyjama pockets to his jeans. He packed up his makeshift bedding, and picked up the book he’d been reading, with Dean’s amulet on top. He imagined it all the times he’d seen it on Dean’s chest, and couldn’t picture it on his own. He slipped it in his pocket, with the cherry seed, and made his way downstairs.

 

Everyone had something to do before they left; Anna was saying one last goodbye to her friends, Zachariah was sorting out their new address with the post office and calling in to say a final farewell to his boss and his work mates, and Cas- Cas was saying goodbye to Dean. But first- he had a stop to make.

 

Getting to the cemetery on foot wasn’t the hard part; instead, it was gathering up the courage to walk in. He spotted the tombstone he was looking for, which looked clean and unmarred by the elements. Fresh flowers were there, and the grave looked well- tended. Behind the headstone, keeping well clear of the other graves, Cas knelt down, digging into the relatively loose soil with his hand. He dug a fist sized hole, then reached into his pocket, plucked out what he was looking for, placed it in the hole, and covered it over. He stood up, brushed his hands off and made his way back to the corner that connected his street and the Winchesters.

 

He waited there for fifteen minutes, and when Dean didn’t turn up, he walked to the Winchesters house. Cas knocked, but there was no answer. He was hesitant to call out, and when he looked at his watch, he saw it was almost time to meet up with Anna and Zachariah in town. He knocked again, and when there was still no answer, he left, not looking back, instead picturing Dean’s last sad smile.

 

 

He started his new school two days after he’d waited to say goodbye to Dean. He’d never been the new kid before, and it was a weird sensation. Everywhere he went, he saw doppelgangers of people he knew; in his math class, a Jo lookalike, his history teacher had a startling resemblance to Mr Singer. He was in the cafeteria line, waiting for the burger special when he looked ahead of the line and there was Sam, but it wasn’t him- Cas returned his lunch tray and sat under a tree all lunch, trying to calm down.

 

He made friends, a little, people he sat with in class and studied with in the afternoons and sometimes, twice a month or so, went to a football game or a diner with.

 

The move had done little to destroy his grades, and when the big envelope from Princeton came, his whole family congratulated him.

 

He went off to college to study literature- knew he was doing Mr Singer proud, and felt like he was doing what _he_ wanted to do for once. He’d signed up to an extra-curricular poetry course that his World Literature teacher taught, and he loved every moment- only missing two classes. The first was when he went to the chiropractor to investigate some odd back pain he was having, the other was when the course outline said they’d be doing haikus and six word stories. He wasn’t sure he was quite ready for that yet. 

There was this boy in his Literature in Translation class who wouldn’t stop looking at him- blond hair and blue-green eyes and Cas thought why the hell not- so Cas stopped him after class and invited him out for a drink at the nearby bar.

 

He thought it’d be a one night thing, but he and Adam (that was his name, he later found out) had so much in common, and Cas surprised himself with how much fun he had at the bar with Adam. They met again after Adam suggested a used book fair, one town over, and again when all their friends went to the beach. He and Adam had ended up making out behind a sand dune, hands fumbling and Cas couldn’t get over how much he wished it was Dean- the name he was trying not to remember.

 

Two months into his first semester, Cas was in a light, shifting sleep after a long session at the library when his phone rang out. He hastily answered the call, not wanting to wake Adam and moved to the bathroom to take the call. He sat down in the bath and said “Hello?” in a whisper.

 

“It’s me.” A voice a million miles away was there, in his ear.

 

“Dean.” Cas said his name on an exhale of breath, a sigh of relief he couldn’t hide, the name he wished he’d been saying for so long.

 

“I miss you.” Dean said.

 

“I miss you too.” Cas said. Sleep be damned, it was so good to hear Dean’s voice. Everything was forgotten as he waited for Dean to keep speaking.

 

“Ever since you’ve been gone, nothing’s been the same. I’m trying to do better though, I promise.” Dean said.

 

“That’s so good to hear.” Cas replied.

 

“I stayed in school, and I’m trying to patch things up with Dad. Neither of us has drunk in about six months, except the occasional beer, so I’m considering this a very good sign. Halfway through senior year, I figured I better make a plan for the future, so I went and spoke to the Career Counsellor at school, which was weird. She asked me about my interests, and I said cars, and she looked through all her programs, seeing if there’s a way I could take this through to tertiary education. I did, doing a light vehicle course, which is easy as, but I still study, because I actually like doing well. I haven’t failed any of my subjects. Hell I even got an A on my final, which I never thought would happen. But it’s because of you, and Cas.”

 

“Dean?” Cas was more than a little confused.

 

“I graduated with the rest of my class, and I never thought I’d be there- thought I’d have dropped out long before that. Dad was so proud- you should have seen his face. Did right by him for once, he was so happy.”

 

“That’s really good, Dean. Really good.” Cas said.

 

“Cas moved away almost a year ago. He went to a new school, did just as well as he was at L.K and I stopped seeing him everyday. Even Mr Singer missed him, in his own way. Jo told me a few months ago that he got into Princeton- I was so happy for him, didn’t know how to tell him though.” Dean said.

 

“Dean, I’m here, why are you talking like this?” Cas asked.

 

“Cas-” Dean’s voice faltered.

 

“Yeah?” Cas asked.

 

“I just want to- I’m telling you everything I can’t tell Sam.” Dean said.

 

“Oh Dean.” Cas said, heart sinking with every breath on the other line.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye, Cas. I’m sorry I’ve ruined our relationship and I’m sorry that for the last month you were here, you were nothing more than a replacement for Sam.” The dial tone sounded, and Cas was left in the dark of his bathroom, surrounded by shampoo and conditioner he didn’t own.

 

It was the period after Sam’s death again- only a year later. He stared at the ceiling for hours, dropping off to sleep here and there only to wake up- wake up alone and scared, cold in the porcelain bath, reaching for someone who wasn’t there- wouldn’t be there again.

 

He had a stiff neck the next morning, waking only when Adam found him in the bathroom.

 

“Cas?” He asked tentatively.

 

“I think I’m breaking up with you.” Cas said, not looking at Adam- Adam who looked too much like Dean and that’d been the appeal at first but now- it was like staring into the sun. Adam left without much hesitation- said he knew something was wrong for a while but said he liked the time they had, so Cas agreed, because he had, in a masochistic way.

 

He saw Adam around campus every so often, at parties and study sessions and they were nothing but polite to each other- Cas watched as Adam found someone else, and sometimes, late at night he thought he ought to try again- but he never did.

 

 

Jo invited him back to her place almost every holiday, but it was the break over Easter in his third year when he finally accepted. Just as a nice distraction from all the finals he had coming up, nothing more. He caught a bus back, picking Anna up on the way from her college, and they arrived late in the afternoon of the day before Good Friday. Jo picked them up from the bus depot, and Cas felt at home in that old Buick, driving back to Jo’s house and he almost could’ve been back at L.K.

 

He knew it was inevitable that he’d see Dean, couldn’t stop thinking about it the whole trip. Even still, his stomach still fluttered when they pulled into the driveway and there was the Impala- as beautiful as the first day Cas had seen her. Jo fixed him with a measured look.

 

“I’m fine, really. It’ll be nice to see him again.” Cas said. He climbed out of the car, and was about to walk up the drive when Anna took his hand, giving it a squeeze.

 

Walking in, he saw Ellen at the counter, like so many times when he’d been at Jo’s house.

 

“Hey Cas.” She said with an easy smile.

 

“Afternoon, Ellen.” He returned, and looked to Dean Winchester, sitting at her counter, unlike every time he’d been at Jo’s house. In the three and a half years they’d been apart, Dean had changed- no longer was he a boy with a smirk, but a man with a smile whose voice could still weaken Cas’ knees.

 

“Hey Cas.” He said. “How’ve you been?”

 

“Good. Been good, Dean.” Cas said, tongue heavy in his mouth.

 

“Jo, sweetie, can you come help me make the guest beds up? Oh and Anna, Eve has been on my tail about you, she’d be devastated not to get a look in while you’re here. Say, help Jo with the beds as well, then you can both go pay a visit.” Ellen said, walking out of the kitchen. Cas couldn’t remember Eve and Jo saying more than ten words to each other through all the time at L.K and he wasn’t sure if that had changed since he left, but he got the hint. He turned back to Dean.

 

“There’s something I’d like to show you, Cas. Two things, really.” Dean said, and walked out the door. Cas walked out after him, and got in the Impala. He never thought he’d hear her purr again.

 

They drove for about fifteen minutes, ending up at the cemetery. Cas shot Dean a questioning look, but he was already out of the car and walking. Cas hurried to catch up. He was so busy winding his way through the headstones, trying not to step on any graves that he didn’t realise where they were going till they were almost there. There, at the foot of Sam Winchester’s grave was a two-foot, cherry seedling. Cas kneeled down to inspect it- someone had definitely been taking very good care of it.

 

He looked back up at Dean. “Would you believe that Mr Singer had a secret green thumb, specifically interested in small stone fruit?”

 

“Dean…” Cas trailed off. He stood up and brushed his hands off.

 

“I was a bit confused at first when a little shoot pushed its way through in spring of our senior year. You see, when you came here and buried something in the ground, I thought you’d buried something else all together. But low and behold, there was this little plant. It’s not been easy going for this plant, let me tell you. Frosts, scorching sun and torrential downpour just to get you started. But through it all, it stayed, growing like wildfire.” Dean said.

 

“I waited for you.” Cas said, almost to himself.

 

“I thought you buried the amulet- I thought you that was your way of saying goodbye. I went home and I wanted to die because I didn’t think you cared about me anymore.” Dean said “Then this little shoot starts up and all I can do is watch it grow, knowing I messed up everything- even more with my phone call.” Dean said.

 

“All I wanted was to hear your voice. I wanted to drive back here that night- but you hung up on me. You left me waiting again and again and all I could think about was your six word story, round and round my brain.” Cas said. “I couldn’t get it out of my head.” Cas pulled Dean to him, holding him close and kissing him like he’d wanted to all these years.

 

“I still have one more thing to show you.” Dean said when they broke apart, and began walking back to the car. Cas followed after him, hands intertwined. He knew where they were going now. They got into the car, the same feeling as so many times before and they drove, Stairway to Heaven playing on repeat. They got there, hopping out of the car and Cas could feel the heat from the sun already, seeping into his skin. Dean was shrugging out of his clothes, and Cas stopped to look, taking in Dean- remembering the first time they’d been there, Sam and Dean racing each other down the beach. Dean paused, taking something out of his wallet and then looked at Cas.

 

“C’mon Cas. Daylight’s wasting.” Dean said, and started down the beach. Cas shucked off his clothes, and followed Dean down the beach.

 

“I know I said I had one more thing to show you,” Dean said as they reached the start of the water. “Make that two.”

 

“Have you come here since I left?” Cas asked.

 

“I couldn’t face it without either of you. You know me; I’m sentimental.” Dean laughed long, more genuine than Cas had heard in a long while. “Do you remember that English lesson?”

 

“You’ll have to be a little more specific, Dean.” Cas said.

 

“Where I was writing a limerick about you.” Dean said. “I was trying to find a word that rhymed with purple.”

 

“Yes, I do remember that one. What’s that got to do with anything?” Cas asked.

 

“I finished the limerick. I took the purple part out, but I finished it. I was going to read it to you before you left, but- well, we both know how that turned out. Anyway, I finished it. It’s quite different to the one I wrote to read to you, seeing as I’ve been redrafting and redrafting for about three years- but I finished it.” Dean said, almost shyly.

 

“Well go on then. I’m dying to hear it.” Cas said. “I just never picked you for the poetry type.”

 

“I’m a jack of all trades. Alright, here goes.” Dean turned towards the sea, and began, reading from a very battered piece of paper, covered in crossing outs.

 

_“We sat on the beach eating cherries_

_After a pie made from blueberries_

_The water was cold_

_My heart was sold_

_The sun was the colour of canaries”_

 

“That was really beautiful. Where did the purple fit?” Cas asked.

 

“Oh, I don’t know. Your blush? Probably.” Dean said.

 

“I’m so happy you kept that all these years.” Cas said.

 

“It really came to mean a lot to me.” Dean said, smiling. Then, he screwed up the piece of paper and threw it out to sea. Cas watched horrified as the wind caught it, blowing it further out.

 

“What- what are you doing? What were you thinking?” Cas said, staring out at the place where the paper had fallen.

 

“Well- that was the past. I want to start the future without repeating history all over again. We’re different now. We can’t just sit on the beach eating cherries forever.” Dean said, a small smile on his face.

 

“So we’re seeing where things go?” Cas asked.

 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Dean said.

 

 

They go back to Sam’s grave every year, on a day in October when the sky is overcast because that day means more to them than the day they found his bed empty. They go in October when Sam’s cherry tree is almost bare, leaves scattered on Sam’s grave and the surrounding area.

 

They go back on Easter Friday too, even though that day changes every year because that’s when they started again, everything started again. If Easter is later, Sam’s tree is in full bloom, pink flowers covering the grave.

 

They sat in the car one April after visiting the grave, waiting for a little while before they went back to Ellen and Jo’s house. Cas fished into the pocket of his jeans, pulling out a small package, wrapped in a page from a superman comic.

 

“I thought you’d want this back.” Cas says, handing the package to Dean.

 

He opened it, mouth ready to say ‘thank you’ or ‘this is great’ but then no words were needed. Just a look tells Cas that Dean definitely didn’t know Cas had kept the amulet all these years.

 

Dean slips it over his head, and turns to look at Cas.

 

“Can’t get through a day with you without crying, can I?” Dean says, smiling big and wide.

 

 

 

They only ever see one other person there at the same time as them- the first time they went back, when Cas was almost finished his degree, they arrived in May and there, at the grave was Jessica Moore, gathering flowers into a Spanish textbook. Jess turned and saw them, a small smile growing on her lips, and she nodded to them, before moving away. It’s only later, when they can no longer hear her car in the distance that Cas sees a palm card, written in handwriting he hasn’t seen in years saying ‘ _amor-love’_

 

_“To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive,_

_to grief, sorrow and disappointment as well as joy, fulfilment and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before,_ _”_ Rollo May

**Author's Note:**

> My main intention when I set out to write this story is that it would feature no homophobia (i'm a sap like that.) This is a purely feel good story (in some ways)
> 
> Credit: While Led Zeppelin and Ernest Hemingway only play small parts in this story, they are crucial and they are not mine.
> 
> Art: As this is part of the 2012 J2SPN Bigbang, I received some magical art you can find here: http://alt69.livejournal.com/19231.html


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